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Weekly CICADA-scope

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Week of 4/9: CICADA-scope

Autumn

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1_Aries.png.e7c8949208a07b2906a7b92f79742189.pngAries: There will be a new moon in Aries later this week. Please make sure to recycle the old one properly.

 

2_Taurus.png.6e2caf477161e1668cd37a56a110b618.pngTaurus: Few sounds are more soothing than gentle piano music, but you wish you could figure out where it’s coming from and why it seems to follow you endlessly.

 

3_Gemini.png.ea7a1641915052ddb3f5f2bd07e97b6b.pngGemini: You’ll find out who your real friends are this week through the cunning use of a powerful electromagnet.

 

4_Cancer.png.970874db3af326d613bdb22a9933ab46.pngCancer: Your academic career will result in all the science classrooms being plastered with a slew of new, weirdly specific lab safety posters.

 

5_Leo.png.c611ee3756337ea895516d0c8778039f.pngLeo: The stars regret to inform you that Leo has been cancelled for the foreseeable future. All current Leos will be reassigned to Virgo. The stars deeply apologize for any inconvenience.

 

6_Virgo.png.f7f8ab3268aec4054a8c824d929e5054.pngVirgo: Due to the recent influx of former Leos, the stars are experiencing a higher call volume than normal. Please hold. Your call is very important to us. To leave a message in the general celestial mailbox, press 0.

 

7_Libra.png.76e7f78f302ecac98755be4546ac7efc.pngLibra: Everyone thinks you sound terse and unapproachable in all your emails. Better liven them up with some exclamation points and smiley faces!!!! :)

 

8_Scorpio.png.16821b588133b7e2cc2562189b7c7c66.pngScorpio: Sure, you can gain a lot of wisdom from classic literature, but maybe bricking people up in the catacombs isn’t the solution to every conflict.

 

9_Sagittarius.png.510623df41b6c7f39964f6e77ebdd966.pngSagittarius: The mail-in ancestry kit will be good fun until the DNA testing company informs you that the closest genetic match to your saliva sample is the medicinal leech.

 

10_Capricorn.png.62e1a9972e18202bb7a5d4325ec9a61b.pngCapricorn: Remember: character is who you are when no one except The Eternal-Watcher-Who-Was-the-First-and-Shall-Be-the-Last is looking.

 

11_Aquarius.png.b8e9645a338da488052480b55cae1c74.pngAquarius: Your lucky leathercraft tool this week is the stitching awl.

 

12_Pisces.png.9250eaa6fa0a042073807380733d36f1.pngPisces: You’ll finally get the job of your dreams. Unfortunately, this also means you’ll show up to your first day without pants and all your teeth will fall out.

 

images © xenia_ok/Shutterstock.com; painterr//Shutterstock.com


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