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  1. Last week
  2. hey so i'm at this thing where i take two college classes with kids my age in three weeks and i'm out as genderfluid/gay here and there's this guy and he told me the following: "i'm dating someone but you're very easy to look at." "wait so you practice like three religions isn't that too much?" "so i think i'm erin(name i go by at this camp)sexual now" "hey can i sit next to u at dinner" i was like sure and he said "ok it's a date then" and during dinner he was like "hey so why are u being so cold to me on our date" while his gf was sitting next to him "are you gonna get the surgery, what will that look like" "hey can i put my hand on your leg" i was like omg absolutely not and he said "okay then can u put your hand on my leg" i finally reported him to the program assistants and shits gonna go down tomorrow but im so fucking scared rn please provide guidance. also i had like just recovered from the suicidal stuff and now i've fallen back to that so agh... (oh and one of the program assistants is fucking attractive omg)
  3. There was once a time, where you heard the voices of your friends and family, there was once a time where you actually saw them. During this time, you could touch that person, you could share the food you enjoy, or play with your kids who begged you for hours to play catch with them. You walk outside and you can see the stars, you can feel the breeze. If you needed to go somewhere, you took a horse and rode there. This reality, was only a hundred years ago, a single generation. Life was a fabric, a quilt that you could change any element of, you could add patches to repair holes, or make it larger to keep more people warm. All throughout history We wonder about the things we don’t understand, sometime it envelops us, even consumes us. People go to religion, people meditate, people check out from the things they are afraid of. This idea of technology, how it’s ever growing and constantly changing, and how technology one year is the peak of engineering, and another year its outmoded and forgotten. Now the things we have are not long lasting, they are made to break. It terrifies me that people check out and ignore the problems they have. To some, a simple idea; That humans create a tool to makes a job easier, and more efficient. The work we as humans do, is becoming more inefficient, and technology is supposed to enhance our lives, and make working easier. Does Easier correlate to having a better environment? Many companies today do the things we thought impossible just a mere 20 years ago, the idea of curing cancer. Celldex Therapeutics, Medivation, and BioMarin. These few companies are spending billions of dollars to go against evolution, and change the course of human history. Some say that these companies are miracles in the making, that they are the future as we know it, But others are saying, are they playing God? When will they go too far? We have started to ponder the very real idea of Artificial intelligence, or machines that alter the genome of a fetus, to remove terrible disease, cure future ailments, and give the parents the option to pick hair color, and eye color of their child. I believe we are tugging a thin piece of twine, and I believe these companies, the silicon valley, tech giants and prospering GoFundMe projects, all with the promise to deliver new technology, and things that prolong life itself, is the greatest paradox of all time. A phone is at the heart of every single problem we face today. In every function of society a single piece of technology sits in your pocket. This phone generates anxiety, and addiction. Companies stick ads geared to conform to your life. They know if they make it intuitive, user friendly, and seem like you are in control, that you will keep using it, until all of a sudden you are now dependant on it. They track where you eat, what you buy, and they stick propaganda in between you and your hand. This technology has come a long way in the past 50 years, it started as an idea, then a prototype, and all of a sudden, we are engineering self driving cars, machines that take your place in the workforce, and a phone to listen to your conversations and track where you go. While technology is ever growing, and unstoppable, it is your job to be aware of this dreaded truth, that your life now conforms to technology, and you can't escape it. There is nothing we can do to escape the companies that have made every single human being dependant on their products. The only thing we can do is observe, or in extreme cases, decide to live off the grid. Apple, Microsoft, Oracle, all of the companies that create some of the biggest names in technology today, Iphone, Android, Computers and Software, all have started the process of brainwashing every single human being living on earth, with the very idea that they need to be reliant, and dependant on the computer that slips in your pocket, or sits at home. They have created the idea that to live a happy life, you need these things. They insert information and material to convince you of something. You read propaganda everyday, in news, advertisements and other means. Not only are you not aware of it, but it is so fine tuned and manufactured, that it is the perfect way to slowly and consistently alter on a massive scale, how people think. History is repeating itself right now, This quote, is how companies and Social infrastructure function, in the form of propaganda. “All propaganda must be popular and its intellectual level must be adjusted to the most limited intelligence among those it is addressed to. Consequently, the greater the mass it is intended to reach, the lower its purely intellectual level will have to be. But if, as in propaganda for sticking out a war, the aim is to influence a whole people, we must avoid excessive intellectual demands on our public, and too much caution cannot be extended in this direction.” I have chosen this quote from Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf, because I want to set the mood for how serious this situation has come to be, and how we are oblivious to the truth we are, and how vulnerable we as a society have become. Hitler took over an entire country with this knowledge, And we all sit here and do nothing about it. You have been treated as the lowest intellectual everyday. Propaganda was engineered to serve the widest audience, and with this, you have been conditioned to listen, and read things meant to be understood by a child. In what circumstance is being treated like a child on a massive scale good for society? . People have been conditioned to need their hands held when taking in information. They need to be guided through the data, because they can no longer filter it for themselves. Eventually you will be conditioned to be below average intelligence, and have no means to think freely for yourself, and you will be conditioned to believe everything you read. You will be Slaves, and You won’t know it either. Technology is the new fabric of society. It no longer is an heirloom, filled with patches that tell a story. Technology is disposable. It is used, thrown away, and made better to fill the gaps that the previous model failed to do. The old Fabric, you could give to your kids for generations to come, what will you give them now?
  4. Who am I really

    When I look into a mirror, I do not see myself. What I do see, is the universes interpretation of me. It looks nothing like me. A mirror does not see my thoughts, It does not see my emotions or feelings. So how can It be accurate at all? How can anyone look into the mirror, and say, "Yep, that is me" I wake up with a different mindset every day, I am a new person everyday But a mirror lies to you, and tells you, "No, You are the same as yesterday" I despise mirrors, for they hold no truth, nor any sense of gratification If you look into a mirror for self gratification, or self re-assurance, you are just as fake as the image displayed in front of you You, are a Lie.
  5. Who am I really

    When I look into a mirror, I do not see myself. What I do see, is the universes interpretation of me. It looks nothing like me. A mirror does not see my thoughts, It does not see my emotions or feelings. So how can It be accurate at all? How can anyone look into the mirror, and say, "Yep, that is me" I wake up with a different mindset every day, I am a new person everyday But a mirror lies to you, and tells you, "No, You are the same as yesterday" I despise mirrors, for they hold no truth, nor any sense of gratification If you look into a mirror for self gratification, or self re-assurance, you are just as fake as the image displayed in front of you You, are a Lie.
  6. Welcome to being a human. We are forever in a time continuum, wondering what dictates the transition of one moment to the next. Thats all time is really, how we percieve the forward path of the next moment. We use a clock, as a poor visual representation of life, death, growth, and loss, all moving foward, forever advancing. See, the things that we use to visualize the motion of theoretical time change, are wrong. Our minds, are the only thing that keeps times existence, without our mind, time forever stops. Some people ask, what happens when an unstoppable object meets an immovable wall, time, and the human mind is the answer. Time, in our relative mind, is forever moving foward, but when the only vessel of that wisdom dies, time no longer exists. Everything exists, and doesnt exist. When you die, the sun has burnt out, the human race no longer exists. The earth has been obliterated by the suns explosion, our galaxy has succumbed to a black hole, the fabric of reality will have existed, and not existed, the Second you die. Time, in our minds, is the reason 1 minute is 1 minute, and 1 lightyear is 1 lightyear. When you stop percieving time in this way, it moves on, infinitely, all at once. Welcome to being a human, where the only reason the universe hasn't stopped existing, is because of you.
  7. Night Drive

    in the brown velvet night when i was half asleep i saw orion behind speedometer reflections and the engine's hum that sounds like music if you let it in the empty summer night there was eternal corn like the lake but without the shimmer and the world was hollow like being hungry in the ancient iron night i believed that stars were tears in the great blanket but not that they were made for me i am far too unimportant for the skies to notice
  8. Hey guys, I’m still around (if you’re on the discord you know that) but I’m just not writing as much poetry right now. Hope everyone’s doing okay, and maybe I’ll post more soon.

  9. ode to lancaster county

    lancaster county, familial birthplace, your thunderstorms lend me the peace of mind to continue. when i was younger, and wishing to be undone, i blamed myself for not loving god enough. i said i was rotten, and didnt know why. my eyes only knew how to glare because i was scared of smiling, or of not deserving to, or of letting go of that hurt, or of losing my identity if i did. im still scared of dying. that didnt change. and one day, after letting myself stop pretending to be godly, after letting myself love being rotten, just a little, you became a monument to learning the word hate. where would i be without your shame and your conditional love? i had no idea what passive aggression meant until you had a reason to teach me. you remind me how to glare, and how to be undeserving, and thats a kind of rotten too. you carry churches on your back like god is my fault, and sometimes i believe you. it is as if you have come from the past and youre upset the world is leaving you behind, and thats my fault too. you are not a kind county, a home, or gentle despite the rolling fields, neither a place for outsiders nor one to give up a warm body without a fight. you are as lonely as a postapocalyptic movie's deserts, and your cities beg to be left empty and standing and dirty just so theyd fit so perfectly at the end of the world. these cities are paved with bricks and paint and god. you arrive bearing washed out, low-contrast hues of green and undersaturated brown and every photo ive taken looks overexposed. i have marveled at your night sounds, at the tar lines clacking under the tires on the highway, and yet youve never been beautiful. the closest thing to beautiful is the full moon, orange with pollution, rising over the lakes dug out of the prairie and filled then with rocks and fish and water. youre the stadium that becomes a city every weekend, youre lincoln, or youre the storms in the night that put hail the size of my fist through the windows. you are a 754-block coping exercise. just as i let myself love being a christian's rotten shame, just a little, you are as oppressively godly as a rural town with 192 churches on a sunday. you are not made of tomorrows, or of opportunity, but you are definitely just green enough to think so. how frightening you are too, where i am scared of being gay but losing myself in the closet, and afraid of that too. oh, old cheney road, you are the apothecary's witness and a false sense of safety. it could only be the echinaceae, but laying in the ditch on the side of the road is halfway beautiful. without you i would have grown up more slowly, and learned to love myself a little quicker. with you i am nothing but homesick. this is why, lancaster county, you are made of towns of empty architecture and lonely streets, where only the animals and the crooked trees are content this is why you refuse to progress, why you cling to old, tired bigotry hastily rebranded as belief like an beloved, frayed blanket clutched protectively in a fussy toddler's hands. i have praised many things, but for me you are more unloveable than you told me i was. to my eyes, you are a thing waiting to die.
  10. hey guess what i'm at college for 3 weeks and i'm taking two classes

  11. Going

    I identify with this so much and it's beautiful
  12. The Children

    The children in the sitting room Rocking on my chair Are whispering to each other Playing with their hair I tried to speak to someone But they said they were not there The children in my sitting room Rocking on my chair Whispering and twirling hair Are they really there? ___ So these kids my sister baby sit are all ways whispering. It's kind of creepy. I think they can summon things... One has a friend who we can see. Help me.
  13. Overheard Quotes

    "it's past my Bed time so let's get Drunk!" Said by a already very drunk dude at 6:00pm. I heard that last week and I'm still laughing at it...
  14. Earlier
  15. Overheard Quotes

    “YOU KNOW NOTHING OF THE OCEAN” “God, it’s painful being stupid.” ”..then you gotta hit the porcupine with a 2 by 4 piece of plywood”
  16. Overheard Quotes

    *emphatically* “It’s not an eggplant!!” *sulkily* “it’s a caterpillar....”
  17. Overheard Quotes

    "If the lord gave you selfies, why wouldn't he let you take them in his house?" "I don't want any! FUCK bread!" "You don't like french fries you don't get an opinion." "Will you be my barbecue dad?" "I'll be your barbecue daddy."
  18. To A Pipe

    I don’t know this thing, this silver and brown thing. The machined handle, the chipped wood. The residues and musty vestiges of tobacco. The little metal embellishments. I trust this thing. I know it’s use, it’s purpose, it’s presence. What I wish to know, however, is whose lips held this thing. Whose lungs did it fill? May I touch these well-made things?
  19. Going

    I know from experience that the going is almost always easier than showing up unannounced, unplanned, even unwanted. (They didn’t expect you, and their discomfort showed) So. I’ve learned to slip away after a little while. Enough time has gone by and I detach myself again, become a recluse, drift with the thistledown and hide in the cornfield. I am disguised by bumblebee wings and sticky spiderweb, pale and confused in the middle of the unforgiving river. (I perched on a rock and watched the fireflies blink and noticed that no one ever comes when you don’t want to be alone) When the sun rose I was gone again and maybe then the people I loved left their burdens behind. They feel lighter in my mind now. I remember the stories - the monster is the villain in the end and I’ve been the weird one for a long time. I decide to leave the broken promises, let my words drift off into the trees and be forgotten, find myself lost in a waking dream. And just maybe, when I haven’t seen a familiar face in days, I’ll turn back towards my dying town and wave goodbye.
  20. Some tips

    @Kristen Same for the liking things. I also can't delete any of my comments
  21. dictionary poems!

    i want to restart my dictionary poem series for what i think is the third time now. drop words you want to see me work with in the comments :-)
  22. Some tips

    @Kristen It's not showing up for me, is there something on settings I could do? I'm sorry, thank you.
  23. Some tips

    There's a heart icon at the bottom-right corner of each post and comment that you can click to "like". It'll also pop up with other reactions (love, haha, confused, sad, surprised, angry).
  24. yo hey i forgot about cicada oops but anyways im in nebraska until August >:[ look @ this art i did on my new comp tho hfjfjsksk radish is lookin SNAZZY

    IMG_20180704_130507_558.jpg

  25. magnolia

    my phone won’t let me take pictures anymore because i took so many of the damn trees which is okay because they never really captured them plus things are more beautiful when you don’t see them as often in late april when i drive into urbana sometimes it’s like pink rain magnolia petals like wet cotton sticking to your skin, magenta veins when it’s overcast the trees cast shadows in the street but the sky is still white i’ve noticed when i write poems i always set the scene maybe because i loved the world outside my window before i loved any person he wants to be a writer you know i trust him because he’s a boy with more poetry in him than you’d ever know my gut is never wrong his lips are softer than the petals falling into sidewalk gutters brushed aside by windshield wipers and his music makes me feel the same euphoria that thunderstorms do i can’t shut up about what i love once this little girl with sepal green eyes told me i was a happy person and i realize now that it’s a full circle there a picture of me at fourteen months under a magnolia tree with soft tawny hair and the widest smile so many years have gone by where it’s been missing and now my hair has turned carob and my smile reappeared wider and the magnolia petals spiral down down back to the earth and everything is good again
  26. Some tips

    I'm not sure how to like things, could someone help me?
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