Jump to content
Attention, CICADA community!
  • It’s time to say goodbye—the community at cicadamag.com is now closed. Learn more...
Sign in to follow this  
Sunset Poppies

Burning the Midnight Oil

Recommended Posts

Late night

Starry eyed

And though I know there are stars outside,

I can’t see them.

 

My midnight oil burns too bright

And dims all other lasting light

But as the stars and sun fall away with fright

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

 

I close the window to let me sleep,

I block out all light taunting,

But no matter how often I count sheep,

From under the door

Unrest comes through the cracks haunting.

So though I fight the fire,

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

 
please give feedback! I'm a new writer and need to get better. 
Edited by Sunset Poppies
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

may i give you an extensive critique? there are a few things i could go in-depth about :0


holla holla get dolla

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On January 13, 2018 at 11:42 PM, drowntown said:

 

may i give you an extensive critique? there are a few things i could go in-depth about :0

 

Yes absolutely! I would really appreciate it!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Starry eyed

this is a good start, but i feel like the description could go further than the cliche

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

And though I know there are stars outside,

repetition of 'star' here

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

personally one word per line doesnt cut it for me but i like how it changes the way i read it, added pause between words

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

But though still I say,

i dont know what this means

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Quiet as a mouse

another cliche

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

From under the door light

Comes through the cracks

with the second stanza i thought the rhyme scheme would continue

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Comes through the cracks

Haunting.

i liked the 'midnight / oil / burns' split, but this could be revised i think

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

So though I fight the fire,

i really liked this line

thanks for sharing this! keep writing <3 i liked this poem a lot


holla holla get dolla

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

×