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Sunset Poppies

Burning the Midnight Oil

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Late night

Starry eyed

And though I know there are stars outside,

I can’t see them.

 

My midnight oil burns too bright

And dims all other lasting light

But as the stars and sun fall away with fright

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

 

I close the window to let me sleep,

I block out all light taunting,

But no matter how often I count sheep,

From under the door

Unrest comes through the cracks haunting.

So though I fight the fire,

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

 
please give feedback! I'm a new writer and need to get better. 
Edited by Sunset Poppies
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may i give you an extensive critique? there are a few things i could go in-depth about :0


holla holla get dolla

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On January 13, 2018 at 11:42 PM, drowntown said:

 

may i give you an extensive critique? there are a few things i could go in-depth about :0

 

Yes absolutely! I would really appreciate it!!!

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On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Starry eyed

this is a good start, but i feel like the description could go further than the cliche

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

And though I know there are stars outside,

repetition of 'star' here

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

My midnight

Oil

Burns.

personally one word per line doesnt cut it for me but i like how it changes the way i read it, added pause between words

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

But though still I say,

i dont know what this means

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Quiet as a mouse

another cliche

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

From under the door light

Comes through the cracks

with the second stanza i thought the rhyme scheme would continue

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

Comes through the cracks

Haunting.

i liked the 'midnight / oil / burns' split, but this could be revised i think

On 1/13/2018 at 7:51 PM, Sunset Poppies said:

So though I fight the fire,

i really liked this line

thanks for sharing this! keep writing <3 i liked this poem a lot


holla holla get dolla

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