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sugarskulled

to the white girls in my ap world history class during our unit on mesoamerica

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you boast your roman nose

your french blondeness

your curly spanish hair

but flinch when i mention
that aztec blood flows through my veins
that my nose is as wide and as stunning
as the templo mayor.
the first word you think of is sacrifice 
speak to me of ripped out hearts and disembodied heads
never mind that your romans 
watched blood sport.
 
once i tried explaining that i’m not spanish
i’m mexican and you said
“well isn’t that a hispanic country?”
i wish i had told you
hispanic comes from spanish comes from conquistador comes from genocide i do not define myself by the conqueror.
 
tenochtitlán was called 
venice of the new world 
quetzalcoatl and his fellow gods 
watched and approved. 
it sank under the weight
of those who could not stand
to see anyone rival them in brilliance.
 
náhuatl is not practiced outside of the one million natives who still speak it.
it was never an option to learn
one million out of seven billion.
i try to learn
i fail
i’m sorry.
my vowels are as twisted and unchecked 
as the words in our history books.
spanish 
is the language you gave us
but the moment the words touched our lips
the america you stole deemed them dirty.
 
you rant about mexico 
crime filled country
poor and unclean
look me in the eyes and tell me 
whose fault that is.
you seized our scripture, our knowledge
called it the work of the devil
how 
are we supposed to catch up 
with your technology
we had the math
had the means
you burned it all.
 
i have heard aztecs described as bloody
brutal
and this is true
but if you are allowed to celebrate your violent heritage then 
i am damn well allowed to celebrate mine.
i do not justify the sins of my people
but that does not mean i will ignore the sins of yours.
 
you came to our land
we offered riches and you 
offered us death
offered us rape
we were kicked from our golden cities 
like so many rats 
just something to be exterminated.
even today i look back 
at the history written in blood and i ask you why?
why did you hate us so much?
why do you hate us still?
why the fuck are you so scared of anything 
that didn’t come from europe?
 
we were not scared of you.
 
we should have been.
 
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I know how you feel I am half Native Alaskan remember that there will always be racist bastards and that there sculls are to thick to put any inelegance in. 

Stay strong.


what is life without love?

what is love without pain?

what is pain without suffering?

but is love suffering?

-Connor

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I don't know if this is relevant, or if its my place to say this, but I grew up in a predominantly European  household with a latinx family history. My grandmother (still alive) was a migrant worker. To this day, I don't know where I belong. I want to be immersed in my grandmother's culture, but I can hardly speak the language. I pass as a privileged white man. My last name says nothing of the burdens my grandmother carried as a young girl. It simply says the Dutch town where my dad's side originated. Yet I prefer my grandmother's tamales and tortilla soup to the pecan pie my paternal grandmother makes. 

Sorry, that was my "I'm having a breakdown and realized I don't belong anywhere" white person sounding rant.


Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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As a literal white girl in ap world, I’d like to at least attempt to offer an apology for white people being kinda shit and racist people being really shit. You and your culture(s) are more than just what the College Board and uneducated people say they are.

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what @queenie_flower said -- I'm a white girl too but this is so damn powerful and if I could apologize for all the racist assholes out there I would. there's so much beauty in different cultures, different appearances, different heritages, and I wish the bigoted shits who think that the only real "humans" are the ones who look/act/think like they do could go vault themselves off a cliff or somethin.

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