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bluebird

funny childhood stories

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a place to talk about all the weird, embarrassing, or stupid stuff you did as a kid. no judging allowed!

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When I was little I genuinely believed (cis) males a) did not have eyelashes and b) were physically incapable of growing long hair. I have a very vivid memory of this guy with long hair pulling up beside our car on a motorcycle. I was very shocked. My mom had to explain that yes, men can grow their hair long.

i have a brother and a father and somehow I did not notice that both of them have eyelashes. This was because cartoons portray females with eyelashes and males with none. I was being brainwashed from a very young age.

anyway that’s my funny story for now goodnight.

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When I was in fourth grade my friends and I would pretend to read each other's palms and tell very detailed stories about each other's futures. I remember telling one of my friends that she would have a trans child and she was a little confused, but she went along with it.

Another random thing from when I was little: Every day when my dad would come home I would tell him "Welcome to the Green Avocado!" 

I feel like tis needs an end so  . . . THE END

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2 hours ago, sar said:

and a gay one. he would pretend to be a girl because he was in love with my sister's (male) webkinz.

WAIT I THOUGHT HE WAS A GIRL YOU NEVER TOLD ME --

(I guess he was really good at crossdressing then, thanks for this piece of information)

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I also remember hearing songs by my now favorite band on the radio. I really liked the songs, but I thought the singer was a woman based on his voice, and he is actually a guy. Sometimes, I try to hear the songs how I did then, but I can't unthink all the context I have now. It makes me annoyed because I feel like my childhood is being corrupted and not only can I not have it back, but I can't even remember it properly.  

Another memory I have is of standing in the shower trying to calculate how old I would be at when some really good thing that I expected to happen would happen. I remember figuring out that I would be 15 or 16, but I don't remember what the thing was, which really bothers me.

As for my stuffed animals, I had a very complex mythology in which one of my stuffed lambs named (very creatively) Lambie was basically god. Because she had created the world, all construction workers were Lambies building the world. All car carriers were also driven by Lambie, but I don't know why that was. She had a magic belt with many different buttons on it. My other stuffed lamb had told her to dip horse hair in a sacred river to make the belt. 

Thanks for giving me this spot to splatter my memories!

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Here's a little fetus FTM Marshall story:

I was about 4 years old at the time. My best friend (we'll call him J) lived on the north side of the house, and my sister's best friend lived on the south side of the house. This was one of those times where I look back and ask loudly, "how the fuck did no one know I was trans?" I was in a "tomboy" phase and somehow my sister and her friend convinced me to go to J's house shirtless. So I went over to his house without a shirt. I rang the doorbell, and his mom answered. She looked at me, and said "why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

and I said, proudly, "tomboys don't wear shirts!" 

"Well, in my house they do." 

And that's the end of it.

 

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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When I was a kid I was convinced that I was a fairy and at some point my shoulder blades would develop into wings.  I managed to convince my friends of this too, and they believed me. (I was about 5)

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59 minutes ago, definitelynotanalien said:

When I was a kid I was convinced that I was a fairy and at some point my shoulder blades would develop into wings.  I managed to convince my friends of this too, and they believed me. (I was about 5)

My friend in preschool convinced me that if I could lick my own elbow, that meant I was a fairy.

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When I was a little kid, I thought that on tv they made a new episode each week, right after the last one came out. 

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my sister and i used to pop the heads of the dolls we had off and float them around, thus they became floating specters of prophesy and death. we also wrote an entire deceleration of independence for our stuffed animals, and then held a (very, very rigged) election for them. and this was all happening within the same universe, so there would often be political dramas in which a disembodied head would predict government collapse? it was a good time!

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current number of classic lit characters ive gone out of my way to project on and reason out why they might be gay: 8

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Let's see...

In kindergarten I had a boyfriend who gave me candy and when he pushed my friend off the computer, I broke up with him, but still kept the candy.

In third grade, I convinced everyone I was a werewolf. I also managed to give everyone in my class an "are you a demigod" quiz (yes, from Percy Jackson) and then for the ones who were, I gave them a godly parent quiz and we formed a club. I somehow got the two most popular guys in the class to believe me and join the club. 

Currently, I have convinced myself that I have an anime boyfriend and can do magic, but oh well. 

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23 hours ago, Chameleon said:

When I was a little kid, I thought that on tv they made a new episode each week, right after the last one came out. 

I did too!

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i was in boy scouts when i was like 9 for approximately .5 seconds dkjgksdfjsds i participated in the model car races and then went on a field trip to the county jail where i was locked in a cell with half a dozen other kids for like 5 minutes

once when i was like 6 i convinced my brother to chalk up his face with green sidewalk chalk so he could be the grinch

also, to date, the longest thing i have ever written just happens to be a 21-page warrior cats fanfiction that i wrote with my now-QPP in the fourth grade. i went back to it a little while ago (since it's on deviantart still, jesus fuck) and im a little mad how good the grammar/details/worldbuilding was kjdkjfkdjfs

for my QPP's birthday last year i printed out all 21 pages and illustrated it as poorly as humanly possible and then taped quarters in as an apology

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holla holla get dolla

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Um I don’t have a lot I can think of off the top of my head but 

a) when I was 3 1/2, I wanted to be a ballerina, but didn’t have a pancake tutu (the big, flat, traditional ballerina tutus) so my mom would clip a deflated Elmo swim ring onto the edge of my shirt and I’d happily dance around in that. We have video evidence that I refuse to submit. 

b) from the ages of maybe 6-9 me and my 10 grade-mates (it was a private school, k?) would pretend to track which wing of our MAINLY LOG CABIN school was burning down during fire drills. Our teachers were kind of appalled, especially when the preschoolers didn’t participate in the drill and we were tracing the “fire” there.

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Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say a scientist, a doctor, or a bulldozer driver. : )

As you can tell by the fact I've posted on here 3 times now, I kind of miss my past. Not that my life is bad now. It's pretty good. But there's so much I've lost . . .

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i was a master at lying to myself as a child. a bona fide pro, as evidenced by my "i DONT have a crush on her OR him wanting to kiss and end up marrying best friends is just PART OF BEING BEST FRIENDS" and the slightly less core of my being one of "if i convince even myself that i didnt eat all the cookies, then i didnt eat all the cookies"

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current number of classic lit characters ive gone out of my way to project on and reason out why they might be gay: 8

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15 minutes ago, conradbirdie said:

i DONT have a crush on her

oh my god same

i knew this girl once when i was like eleven 

and i took every possible chance to look at her and couldn't stop thinking about what a nice face she had, but i never once stopped to think about why??

like pssst past me guess what 
you're gay

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On 2/9/2018 at 4:28 PM, queenie_flower said:

Um I don’t have a lot I can think of off the top of my head but 

a) when I was 3 1/2, I wanted to be a ballerina, but didn’t have a pancake tutu (the big, flat, traditional ballerina tutus) so my mom would clip a deflated Elmo swim ring onto the edge of my shirt and I’d happily dance around in that. We have video evidence that I refuse to submit. 

b) from the ages of maybe 6-9 me and my 10 grade-mates (it was a private school, k?) would pretend to track which wing of our MAINLY LOG CABIN school was burning down during fire drills. Our teachers were kind of appalled, especially when the preschoolers didn’t participate in the drill and we were tracing the “fire” there.

1) Queenie, waldorf school?

2) i'v had friends who were the cause of un-planed fire drills

3) pleese tell me that at the age of 4 wanted to be Mike *Roe*

 

*i am 90% sure that thats not how you spell his name but whatever*

Edited by Connor
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what is life without love?

what is love without pain?

what is pain without suffering?

but is love suffering?

-Connor

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@Connor Not Waldorf school, but I knew a kid who went there. Secondly, that sounds like a story that you should tell us. Did your friends just pull the alarm? or did they set like an honest to god fire (side note: at that same school the toaster just spontaneously burst into flames once. We were horrified. True story)

26 minutes ago, Connor said:

3) pleese tell me that at the age of 4 wanted to be Mike *Roe*

um, i did not want to *be* Mike Rowe, but I watched that show pretty much since my parents could explain that there were words on that show you COULDN'T SAY. he was a defining part of my childhood and i still watch reruns and have favorite moments. That's another story, unless anyone has seen the episode where a) he's on a pig farm or b) is trying to get a post out of the ground (it's around some cave hole in the woods, idk) and hes S T R U G G L I N G but he refuses any help for about four hours.

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On the first day of kindergarten I got into time out because I spat at this kid (who has always been a real jerk, so I'm not too sorry) because he knocked over another kid's block tower. I wasn't even playing blocks at the time, but I had the idea that kids would be more mature in real school, and he was really getting on my nerves. I tried to organize a "construction workers' union" where all the kids playing with blocks would protest their mistreatment, but it didn't gain much momentum. Then he insulted me (I forget how) so I spat at him. My mama was horrified. 

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