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For the past year and a half, two of my friends and I have been keeping a list of quotes we’ve overheard. Some of them require context, but I find the best ones are better off without it. For example:

"You don't want to get in a fight with him. I think he kills people for a living, he's been pretty vague."

“No, he’s just scared of girls. That’s not his problem, though.”

“What’s in the fanny pack?”
*unzips neon yellow fanny pack with a straight face to reveal fruit snacks*

“You don’t want to get stabbed? That’s so extra.”

“I mean, the guillotine had a pretty sweet pulley system.”

“You’re overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons I’m going to hell.”

“Shrek is NOT a folk tale!”

“You shake my spear.”
“NO.”

“FUCK YOU.”
“I love it when girls say nice things.”

“Do I have an ass?”
“Well, all your shit has to come from somewhere.”

“the gate keeps out T H E B E A S T”

“We didn’t play like the fucking goose.”

“How’s your boyfriend?”
“Still nonexistent.”

I have around 100 more pages of these, but feel free to add your own. If anyone wants more of these, I can attach more. If nothing else, it’s C O N T E N T

 

Update: this had a great response, so enjoy some more. Like, this is the highlights of last semester's list, just to give you perspective of how many damn quotes we've collected

overheard quotes pt 2.docx

Edited by queenie_flower
gotta give the people what they want
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"I have enchiladas in there don't do that!"

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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(also, please post more on here, those are hysterical)


Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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"i want my pants back."
"i mean...i don't have pants but i DO have one singular bra i can give you"
"i don't....want that."
"i do! i'll use it to scoop egg juice out of the river"
"...please don't."
"god tier: wearing a bra over a binder with water balloons stuffed in the bra"

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holla holla get dolla

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"Let's face it, guys, out of all of us I'm most likely to call Swallowtail at 2 am needing to be bailed out of jail"

"You already do that, Marshall"

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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"you look like a blonde onceler."
"naomi. come over and kill me with your own two hands next time, coward. it'd be kinder"


holla holla get dolla

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also marshall @Short_comedian i was gonna ask what icon in your friend group calls themselves swallowtail and then i raise you: fawkes and phoenix, two of my friends that remidn me of birds


holla holla get dolla

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(Context: conversation takes place in the group chat for a show I was in. Two of the actors are in a performance of Little Shop of Horrors, as a puppeteer (we'll call him D) and a spot operator (Second E) , and the stage manager (E) (also in the chat) is stage managing Little Shop.)

(Also just as an aside, E and Second E share a name and are actually referred to as [name] and Second [name] by their own volition)

 

D: when are auditions?? [for another show]

Second E: [date]

D: E get off ur phone ur spotlighting me

Second E: Oh my b

Other person: I actually laughed out loud

Second E: D LITERALLY HAS HIS PHONE INSIDE THE PLANT

Second E: HE IS ON STAGE

Other person: exposed

D: HAHAHA I'M LITERALLY INSIDE A PLANT FOR THE WHOLE SHOW AND I'VE NEVER MISSED A CUE SUE ME [full name]

 

later:

 

D: *sends picture of himself inside puppet*

Second E: D

E: BOTH OF YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO

D: I'M SORRY E I CAN'T HEAR U OVER THE AMOUNT OF CUES I'M NOT MISSING

D: E #2*

E: STOP

 

and then more of that but you get the idea. it was very entertaining.

 

 

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@drowntown they sent me a long ass text about nonbinary butterflies once so I just. Named them Swallowtail.

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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@thepensword I passed up a chance to see a showing of Little Shop of Horrors in order to see black panther with my girl friend. 

To the rest of you people, the best quote from all of the conversations (after the movie at, Round Table across from the theater in the mall) was said by her mom about the soda fountain that had a touch screen.

"You guys have to check out the soda fountain, its the future."


what is life without love?

what is love without pain?

what is pain without suffering?

but is love suffering?

-Connor

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"Your work was good, but it helps if you don't do it at 2 in the morning!"

----------

My Cousin: I don't like Fox News.

My Aunt: Why?

My Cousin: There aren't any foxes. It's very disappointing. I give it zero stars.

----------

"I don't f*cking swear!"

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respect existence or expect resistance

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“Look, we really need to talk about pandas.”

 

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3 hours ago, WanderingMonster said:

"We could make a massive stir fry!" 

Omg one of my friends said that once

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what is life without love?

what is love without pain?

what is pain without suffering?

but is love suffering?

-Connor

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*holding hands* "omg 8th base....brabe...."

*in a huddle w 2 other people* "LESBIAN THREESOME"

*fistbump* "aw yeah fourth base" "im pretty sure that's called home" "nah bro trust me i read the internet once"

"sometimes a family can be a beautiful ex, a QPP, and a massive trashbag"

me: im sugardaddying you that pin
clark: babe....
me: im DOING it
clark: i cant believe that the only things you bought at comicon are a fucking just monika pin for me and a 'he scream' gordon ramsey pin for you
me: it's an accurate summation of my personality
clark: well youre not WRONG

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holla holla get dolla

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"I had to make a new email because it's not a family dinner without VERNA FUCKING ME OVER"

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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"Why are you encouraging my furry lifestyle"


Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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"haha midget"

"YOU'RE ONE INCH TALLER THAN ME"

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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