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"Wait, you write, you draw, you do music—how do you have time for all these things? How are you not dead?"

"I am."

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"Infinite Virginities"

Note:

I didn't type that. Carl the Panda Suit Guy did. 


Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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“The mamma Sphinx is coming!”


what is life without love?

what is love without pain?

what is pain without suffering?

but is love suffering?

-Connor

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"Yes. Hello. Tis I. The Gay. Stripping in front of your holy sacred church." 

*once the sweats are finally off, revealing matching neon yellow shorts and a neon yellow tank top*

"I am now in my FINAL FORM. THE HIGHLIGHTER!"

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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*on the topic of who in a group of three would marry each other to form a historical marriage alliance*

"J and I would marry each other. B would divorce me and then there'd be a seventh war over territory."

"But you'd be the power couple of the ages!"

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Posted (edited)

"Hey Betsy? Can you—"

"I'm cutting intestines."

 

"I didn't eat lunch today and this liver is actually making me hungry."

 

 

Edited by thepensword
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if you want context for any of these tell me

"if eggos were real i'd eat them all the time" 

"you can't spell hayden without aids"

"code name beef...can you imagine just having a girl's number saved into your phone as beef?" "i know you're talking about me!"

"is this the video where the guy makes out with a statue?"

"NO DABBING AT THE TABLE!" everyone proceeds to dab

"I LOVE TYLER AND FRICKING PTERODACTYLS" 

"don't drink paint water, you might die" "that's kind of the point"

"how can you not think my snape hair looks sexy"

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@bluebird OK NO BUT IZAAK ACTUALLY DRANK PAINT WATER ON FRIDAY BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD HIM HE WOULDN'T

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Not quite sure where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere, that's for sure.

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So context:

*my friends are walking home from bus stop, talking about how gorgeous Draco Malfoy is*

*little kid staring out of a car window at them*

one of my friends: *notices little kid* "DON'T SMOKE"

little kid: *looks terrified*

my friend: "THAT'S RIGHT I'M TALKING TO YOU"

 

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"You'll see a light, but it won't be the light of day."


MLNOBVGEM JYKOLUBRHSGEKLRFP

 

-#$@!%

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"I'm pregnant!"

"I'm sorry for your loss"

 

"Is Bridger an African American or a white American?"

"Bridger is a dog"

 

"How's being dead?"

"10/10 would die again"

 

"That's so fake. Like you!"

 

"Sierra's gonna stay in the church nursery because she loves children more than jesus"

 

"I don't know what the senior prank is gonna be, but I can guarantee it'll be lame because they haven't asked me to help yet"

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My friend works in our town's rescue squad and her team says some pretty random things so here are some good ones:

"Why do you have a cow spine?" 

"You're not in squad issued uniform!"
"I don't care, it's dysfunctional Thursday."

"Do fish hibernate?"

"Bacteria can be male or female??"

"Kroger starts with K. I find that morally wrong."

"You can't control me! I'll come at you like a spider monkey!" 

"Want some vomit pants?"

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constantly confused

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"awful bold of you to assume i believe in things like iNeRtiA and gRAviTy"

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holla holla get dolla

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On 4/14/2018 at 4:31 PM, queenie_flower said:

Sierra's gonna stay in the church nursery because she loves children more than jesus"

That's basically a summary of what I do every week I'm laughing so hard right now


respect existence or expect resistance

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