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I want to be satisfied with what I have

I want the whole glorious world in my arms

I want to laugh until I can't breath

and talk for hours without losing our casual flow

 

I want to touch the hair he keeps shaking out of his eyes

I want her curves against mine and no hesitation

I want to do more than imagine

and not be afraid that outside my head nothing grows

 

I want the soft-blankets past and the open-air future

I want confidence when I step with my eyes closed

I want to cradle you in my arms

and be reassured by the beat of your human heart

 

I want the wind and the storm and pure power in my veins

I want the gentle darkness under the ocean's lull

I want to be frozen until I am ice

immune to winter and to this illogical species

 

I want to know everything including that I am right

I want perfection that never stumbles though the way is bleak

I want to be strong enough to stand alone

until death welcomes me and I lay down in that good house

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this isnt fair yall are all s o  g o o d im. emotional. im an extra big fan of the last stanza, it combines like. everything into one


current number of classic lit characters ive gone out of my way to project on and reason out why they might be gay: 8

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I know I wrote this a while ago, but I want to submit it to Asterism, so can y'all please edit it first? Thanks!

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The repetition of “I want” in the first three lines of each stanza is good, I’d keep that structure even if you change individual lines. 

Breathe*

consider changing “our” in the first stanza to something like this or a, it doesn’t match the second stanza

On 3/9/2018 at 9:06 PM, Apollo's Lover said:

immune to winter and to this illogical species

First of all, relatable. Secondly, this is a strong parallel structure. To make the poem flow better, maybe take out the second to? Still grammatically correct, in case you were wondering. 

I don’t see many (if any) issues with this. I say submit it! Ainm will take care of you. 

queenie out

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