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can you just 
fucking not do that
because i’m a rational girl
learning to be strong
trying harder 
than you ever seem to
and like
you’re throwing me off
a lot
can you just
stop interrupting 
my thoughts?

can you just 
not smile 
quite like that
when you step in my way
just so I’ll bump into you
and like

my name?
if you could 
dim the light in your eyes 
across your face
before you say that 
particular combination of syllables
it would really 
help me sleep at night

can you just
look at the paper 
when i’m trying to help you
you’ll understand the material better
and i know that 
you can
because if 
you can possibly talk 
about that many other things 
with that type of skill
and you’re asking 
my bad-at-math ass to help you
you must be pretty fucking desperate

can you just
(while you’re at it)
stop making me fucking laugh
i’m supposed to be taking notes
and you’re over there
calling out comments
looking at me 
when i stifle a laugh

fuck you 
now i want to make you laugh
stop making me consider 
texting you 
at goddamn one am
because i thought of something funny

stop making me 
say stupid shit
because you saying 
that one time
that i looked like a classy prostitute
was definitely not supposed 
to be responded to with
a question if it was working
especially if your expression shifted to that
maybe it was the dark

you paid for my dinner 
i had agreed to buy you coffee
and that lady 
she thought we were dating?
she called us cute?
and you essentially ran away
(you went upstairs.
very fast)
you barely finished ordering
i overthought it
i nearly ordered with your name
(it would have been easier 
for them to read aloud
i had the excuse planned 
in case i had made that mistake
i hadn’t)

you grabbed my arm 
so i wouldn’t walk into the street
i didn’t even notice
the street or much else
i don’t remember any cars, though
(was i like this even then?

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