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hayfevered

moon stallions (tw assault, death, guns, sexual themes, implied lack of consent)

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ive been jolted awake enough
shoved out of sleep, aftershocks the
split-second startled impact back on the mattress
to stare blind-eyed at the ceiling like
a mammal shutting down from too much adrenalin
rabbits close their eyes as they die

i never have the god damn common sense to

i always stare straight at the trigger finger
flinching at the kickback, the warm red
stain soaking my shirt, waistband
and draining into my shoes

it's not always so quick as being shoved off
a cliff or the silenced whisper of a gun

i have woken up rattled to the marrow
because my mind has cracks and edges and
memories might have fallen through my subconscious
is that even possible? is the human brain capable
of erecting walls so impervious that i could forget--

could forget--

it's too impossible to put words to. instead i more easily
brush off nightmares wherein again at gunpoint
im used, his thumb shoving into my mouth
this is easier because this i can remember
though the firearm was absent in the waking world

i should have bitten down. should have saved myself

is the human brain capable of really forgetting?
rather: is it capable of fabricating? through dreams, of course
but nightmares so vivid i couldn't forget--

consider touch (back against his chest)
sight (blank ceiling)
taste (bitter fear, one of his hands over my mouth)
sound (his breath in my ear)
smell (this, blank)

how do i end this poem? closure?
don't give me 'im sorry's and 'im here if you need to talk'

if you touch me i'll flinch.

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holla holla get dolla

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18 hours ago, drowntown said:

rabbits close their eyes as they die

i never have the god damn common sense to

i always stare straight at the trigger finger
flinching at the kickback, the warm red
stain soaking my shirt, waistband
and draining into my shoes

I love how this poem flows here. It’s very rhythmic. Good word choice.

Also, adrenaline* unless you were trying to make a point by leaving the word unfinished much like this sentence

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