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.

iam

hiding

leather over soft flesh

in 

sweet origami smiles

laughs and neat outfits

closet doubtful misfitting

artistic scientist

scientific artist

 closet seer of things

i know you don’t think are fit for my eyes

closet dirty mouth

(and too fucking bad)

closet confused

everything-at-once  person

trying to find herself logically

honestly, i am

many other things i just

highlighted in blue and backspaced

maybe i should be braver than this—

 

closets are where you can close the door and no one will come looking for you

inside those doors i am

angry and bitter

crabapple

don’t always believe in hope and prosperity

pain

maybe you understand that

it’s hard to grasp you might like this person

this way

i’m not good at being detached from people like that.

 

trapped in kindness i give out

smiles and noncommittal answers

(i’m either an amazing actress or a terrible one)

sometimes,

when you see me under the normal halfway-light

it just feels

wrong

and i don’t know how to fix that.

but

something is lost

when my parts are segregated 

one dark and one illuminated

it only simmers worse as i linger 

screaming silently  

god knows what i want

god knows who i am

invisible; laughable

i explode on the people i trust

to hold it

inevitably.

 i think i have to be seen by someone.

maybe this poem needs a happier ending

explaining personal growth in a creative conformity but—

i’m not here or there i’m just

on and off, still thinking trying, somewhere.

i think i want to be seen by someone

as what i really am,

before lost in these lines i lose sight of it.

 

 

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On 9/2/2018 at 10:25 PM, somewhereoutthere said:

artistic scientist

scientific artist

i love that so much

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