Jump to content
Guest tiggerlilli

stay away from me

Recommended Posts

Guest tiggerlilli

sometimes I:

can hear the voices in my head

sometimes I:

forget the faces in my eyes

sometimes I: 

remember what you said to me

 

stay away from me!

 

Don't you dare:

come sit over next to me

Don't you dare:

say that you still like me

Don't you dare:

forget what you said to me

 

stay away from me!

 

I don't know:

why they all still like you

I don't know:

why you aren't beaten thin

I don't know:

why you wont let go of me....

 

 

 

please...stay..away from me...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest KnitFeathers

I love how you use the repeated lines. It just works so well to transfer the emotion of this poem.

I also feel like the line Stay away from me! is easily misunderstood. I read it about three ways the first time I read through the poem. Could you make you meaning more clear? Other words, I know I’m not making sense: I read the line at first as the narrator had been told to stay away and then that the narrator wanted someone to stay away.

Anywho, I love this, the formatting is so much fun and it’s touching

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/8/2015 at 12:06 AM, Guest KnitFeathers said:

 

I love how you use the repeated lines. It just works so well to transfer the emotion of this poem.

I also feel like the line Stay away from me! is easily misunderstood. I read it about three ways the first time I read through the poem. Could you make you meaning more clear? Other words, I know I’m not making sense: I read the line at first as the narrator had been told to stay away and then that the narrator wanted someone to stay away.

Anywho, I love this, the formatting is so much fun and it’s touching

when i wrote this i intended the "stay away from me" to be the narrator was telling someone else to stay away.


:93_heart-computer:SpOoKs:67_rose::10_devil:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×