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Guest Ainm

i still write you letters sometimes (a return -- ie, an open letter to all slammers)

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Guest Ainm

dear slammers,


i tried to count impact on my fingers


three slam masters five years one 


friend across two hundred sixty seven 


pages and two thousand thirty five miles


these innumerable lives i didn’t forget 


and i didn’t leave exactly just


vanished 


among the walking wounded and


subtextual implications


the hit-counter at least still knows


i’m here


 


 






dear autumn,


i can’t be sure if you comprehend


the great and terrible thing 


bequeathed to you


i hope you do


 


 






dear anyone who has ever wanted to die,


please listen


i know what it’s like to worship 


a black hole and the idea of nonfeeling


i know what it’s like to flawlessly recite


the LD50 of a medicine cabinet because


it’s not enough


to make your chest stop aching stop


beating thoughts against skull


i know what it’s like to climb 


the pedestrian bridge staring down at


an arriving train at


eternities


and


 


 






dear anyone still breathing,


the heart so often keeps beating 


even when we beg otherwise


please listen


let me convince you


there are anchors and unfound comforts


there will be healing


i keep lists of moments and numbers to


coax each footstep away from the brink


and there is still ink in my veins 


each poem a suicide note


each poem a prayer


i write my way out


 


 






dear girl_in_a_book,


dear scarloke,


each person is their own


reason to live


you are a reason to live


 


 






dear nick,


you’re still alive and i know


where you are they don’t often allow


cell phones or internet consequently 


we don’t talk much these days


mostly it’s enough to know


you’re still alive and i can’t guess


how you’ve managed to stay


here and there i tried to carry the banner


hold everyone together by letting myself 


fall apart into poems bleed 


life into lovers those shrines 


of matches and bones i swear


to every god 


your body exists and therefore is holy


you exist and therefore are holy


you still exist and your holy 


words are still echoing


 


 






dear collette,


at age fourteen i swore at my mother


over a slice of toast the only thing


i’d eaten in days so


believe me


there are ways to form a body 


from a skeleton there are ways 


to grow wings from bird bones


the morning needs your song


 


 






dear thesoundthief,


dear joanna,


dear sleeper,


dear livie,


dear mouse,


dear and others left unwritten,


you are the names that i 


hear echoing across the pages


since my last post and i still


recognize your voice on sight


i owe you poetry


nine months worth of pithy puns


and obnoxious commentary about


social justice or comma usage or


this amazing slam artist that


reminds me of you


 


 






dear new writers,


welcome


i think you’ll like it here


 


 






dear slammers,


i still write you letters


sometimes in the hopes 


of touching


your stories








Author's Note: Miss me?

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Guest Autumn, Cicada Associate Editor

This is a beautiful piece, and you're right--it's a real honor to be here. You've all placed a lot of trust in me and I will do my very, very best to earn it every day. 

 

("I still write you letters / sometimes / in the hopes / of touching / your stories" is really gorgeous--completely sums up what holds the Slam together.)

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Guest theoilpastel

Thank you so much.

I really needed this.

You are a lovely soul. 

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Guest Zach

you are a beautiful writer.

i have learned a lot from this poem.

thank you for writing this.

we've missed you. :) 

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Guest Livie Indigo

Oh my I just cried a little.  This is exactly my feelings toward the Slam ever since I stopped visiting as often, the last three stanzas especially.  It's hard to articulate why I took this hiatus but this really really speaks to me.  I can't believe I picked today to come back on here after weeks, and this is the first thing I see.  *Fate*  I love you, Ainm, and I love the Slam. thank you for writing this <3 -livie

 

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Guest dontfreakoutitsonlyme

oh wow. gosh, i can't even try to describe how awesome this was; the words were so powerful, and i got happy little butterflies when i saw my username (scarloke)

 

this is just so, so cool

 

yes, i missed you c:

i'm sure a lot of people did 

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the heart function dont work on old posts but im saving this

  • Like 2

holla holla get dolla

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On 5/20/2016 at 5:27 PM, Guest Ainm said:
 

 

Dear collette,

 

 


at age fourteen i swore at my mother

 

 


over a slice of toast the only thing

 

 


i’d eaten in days so

 

 


believe me

 

 


there are ways to form a body 

 

 


from a skeleton there are ways 

 

 


to grow wings from bird bones

 

 


the morning needs your song
 

I regret, not seeing this at the time. I've recovered up to a healthy weight, although it's a constant, daily struggle. I wrote on the slam during the worst parts of my disorder, and i appreciate everyone who supported me and i probably wouldn't be recovered at this time if I'd never been part of this community. 

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