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Dear Higher Powers that Be,

You granted a stupid, ridiculous, childish, wish from my past. 
You have made a mistake, I hope. 

For there is nothing I could have done so good as to receive my wish, or so bad as to be put through this. My eight year old self, sitting bored on the scratchy grass of the soccer field, she didn't mean it. 

She was only a child. 

I know that something like yourself(ves) exists now. Was it my lack of faith that brought this upon me?

I can't think of a single person who would thank you for this late gift, which quite literally took the air from my lungs. 
Thank you for the scars of purple lightning etched into my skin, 
For the reliance on the steroids that I am dependent on and are supposed to save me. 
Thank you for the panic caused, for all of the special exceptions. 
For all of the hundreds of dollars spent on medicine so I could properly do the easiest thing in this world.

I never wanted their pity. My younger, silly, self sitting alone on the soccer field, she wanted attention. 

But not pity. 

My younger self didn't think of the pain I would have to go through. She was merely being selfish. 

I would like to that you, Power(s) that Be, for the knowledge that I am not, in fact, invisible. 
I am sure that if you had only given me time, I would have realized this myself. 

I thank you for my stupid childhood wish, to be different, and all of the pain it had brought everyone around me. 
Thanks a lot. 

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I really feel this. Best of luck in your quest for wellness!


ᚐᚅᚋ

 

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