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2 points*wow it feels like I haven't been on this site in years but it's been like a month :] but I found the time and for some reason I want to post this thing that's highkey a rant about a conversation my crush and I had one day...embarrassing. true. prob pathetic. enjoy* my brain says go to college, get a job but my heart says abandon it all drop my cares and go backpacking across europe. (I told you all of this.) I didn’t expect you to agree but you did and you smiled that smile that I swear can make flowers bloom and you said, laughing, I’ll go with you. ireland is breathtaking why don’t we run away there? (I replied.) the cliffs are emerald and rugged brown and the trees strain towards gray satin skies like outstretched arms. it’s always raining, cold air so clean it feels sharp everyone is sweet and feels familiar and the air is filled with music and laughter and language and promise. (I didn’t say any of that to you.) (we just sat in silence for a moment reveling in this future that could be.) (I sat quiet heart thudding thinking wondering what it would be like to make this a reality, what it would be like to go anywhere with you everywhere with you to hold your hand and stare up at millions of stars to hold your hand and not have to hide the sunburst in my chest whenever you smile.) (look, there’s orion, the same orion I can see from my front yard at home three star belt I trace every night. and look cassiopeia, the little dipper, and a billion other steadfast gleaming wonders doesn’t it all make you want to jump up and fly?) my brain says stop dreaming. stop getting drunk on wishful thinking and face reality, because this is all impossible and falling in love was never a good idea. but my heart still says, and will never stop saying, I’ll go with you.
1 pointI'm like that old house down at the end Of my street Beautiful and worn down Yet lasting But I can't help but think I'm being wasted And I'm better then this Better then all of this These girl jokes And subtle dismissals Sometimes I don't think you see what your doing I smile and laugh But inside I'm falling apart Is this who I'm going to be? Defined by my sex? Didn't you once give me that title "One of the boys" It was like the day I looked at my hands and saw callouses forming I was so proud And of what? Shedding my gender to be like you Yet... That isn't true But I can do everything you do I can even do more Show me once and I remember I'm being wasted I can be lasting like the house At the end of my street But how long can I take all of these Things before I start to crumble on the outside Not just on the inside? How long will I last With a cracking foundation?
1 pointI know I wasn't there when you needed me And that’s why you found someone else I swear to god I’m over you But when I see you with him sometimes I forget I’ve been going through a lot lately But that’s no fucking excuse And I know you’re really trying to help Trying to be my friend And when I don’t text back it hurts But I can’t help it Because some things are just too big to say over text And to hard to say to your face I know we haven’t been close for a while And we’ve both got some pretty serious baggage But I’m going to try not to fuck it up this time It’s hard because neither of us know how to open up At least not to each other Not in a way that matters And I know you’re really trying To accept the way I am It goes against what you’ve been taught I think I make it hard for you Because you want to fix me But not in the way I want to be fixed I know you’re trying to help me And when I shut down it’s not that easy But I’m working on it And I hope to be the same kind of friend That you’ve been to me these last few years Full of nothing but love and support And I know we don’t always see eye to eye And some things are harder for you Some things I’ll never understand But it’s okay not to be perfect Neither of us are And I hope things will get better I know I haven’t always treated you the way I should But there’s some things you just don’t understand I have boundaries for a reason And I know it’s cliché But I can’t risk getting hurt again Not by anyone let alone you And I know you care about me But I’m afraid of how much Because I know you’ve been hurt so many times And I wish I could take all that away But I cant and im afraid That I’ll only make it worse