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Everything posted by flamecoloredglowstick

  1. hello (again) and goodbye

    hey, everybody. i just logged in for the first time in forever, and i saw the news about the site closing. there are some new names on here, and there are some old names i don't see. i don't know how many people will see this, and i know i was never the most active, but i thought i would write this before the site closes. cicada was a place i felt comfortable being myself during a really hard time in my life. i didn't realize how depressed i was while i was in the middle of it, but looking back i can see that i was pretty messed up. but i always felt like i could come here and say whatever i needed to say. @Short_comedian, if you're still on, reading your poems and chatting with you, even if it wasn't very much, definitely made me feel less alone. so, thank you. thanks to everyone on here, of course, and all the people who run the site, for creating such a wonderful place. i wish you all the best of luck with everything. -flamecoloredglowstick
  2. i feel so called out by both of these




  3. so i had an hour of free time yesterday and this is what happened. honestly it's a little bit of a mess and even i'm confused by some of it, but i haven't put any writing on here in, like, forever, so here you go! i hope the lack of capitalization isn't too annoying; i don't have the time or energy to fix it :/ paris and i are sitting on the porch of his house. he's holding a cup of cider, both hands wrapped around it and his legs crossed. some hair falls into his face as his lowers his head toward it, catching the steam on his face. "callum." he says. "yeah?" paris shifts his fingers on the mug. "it's cold." i nod. we're both wearing jackets, and we both have blankets wrapped around our shoulders. the air is freezing and my eyes are heavy but i don't don't don't want to go inside. "if you could choose one emotion to never feel again," he asks, "what would it be. "i think all emotions are important," i say, though i know he's going to laugh. "really?" paris covers his mouth, but he's giggling like he's drunk and doing a bad job of hiding it. "well, yeah." i cross my arms. "i guess." "i would choose, uh..." paris stops. "happiness," i say, as a joke. but he stops smiling. "maybe," he says. "that's stupid." he shrugs. "do you want me to tell your parents? i will, if you're serious. go up to them and be like 'paz doesn't want to be happy.' idiot." i nudge him with my elbow. paris turns away from me. he pulls his fingers away from the mug and sticks his hands out. there's moonlight on his light brown skin and he's never pale but right now he looks like a corpse. his face is covered in shadow. i thought he was joking. "why wouldn't you want to be happy?" i ask. "i do," paris says, and it's half angry. "cal." i turn. "what's your answer?" "i already-" "no, you didn't." paris says. he uncrosses his legs. "you avoided the question. not the same thing." "fine." i fiddle with the laces on my shoes while i think. "what if i can't decide?" "you have to." "is i wish paz would stop asking impossible questions an emotion?" "nope." he's starting to grin again. that settles me, and i can breathe all the way again. "okay," i say. "i guess i wouldn't want to feel annoyed." "annoyed?" paris snorts. "jesus. not even angry?" "leave me alone," i say. "you got what you wanted." "i wanted a real answer," he says. "not a baby one." "that's my answer. for real." i poke his leg. "i'm not going back on it. now, what's yours?" "is callum can't participate in conversations for shit an emotion?" "fuck off," i say. "wow." "i would choose to not be disappointed. or angry." paris shrugs. "wait," i say. "i have a new answer." he raises his eyebrows. "a real one?" "depends on how picky you are." "well, let's hear it." paris takes a sip of his cider. "i think regret," i say. his eyes soften as he looks at me. "no one cares anymore. it's all fine." he says. "just let it go." i swallow. "we all love you," paris says. "okay?" "yeah," i say. "okay." he runs the backs of his fingers down my arm. i close my eyes. "i'm gonna go with anger," he says. "good," i manage. "that would be nice." he laughs. "thanks." paris finishes his cider and sets his cup behind us, next to mine. he turns to look at the house. "i wonder if they can see us?" "i think they're asleep," i say. "mine, at least. parents always go to bed early." "i hope so," paris says. he pulls a face and flips off the second story window. "you know," i say. "we'll probably be parents someday. and go to bed early while our kids sit on the porch at one in the morning." "might be a little early to be planning that far into our future, no?" paris says. he shoots me a smile. "maybe i don't want a porch." "oh." my neck gets hot. "i didn't mean- i just meant, like, probably, our separate kids. not-" "i'm just messing with you." he says. "we should totally get a house together. and i would love a porch."
  4. yeah it's the middle of the night but let's talk about emotions and future children

    mood about half of my sentences turn into run-ons these days and i don't know how that happened
  5. yeah it's the middle of the night but let's talk about emotions and future children

    okay, cool! thanks for the feedback; i know that can be one of the things i overlook
  6. Process Paper

    it's sad how accurate that description is
  7. i've seen like five cute guys this week and no cute girls and it's not helping the constant state of questioning i'm in 

  8. since my grades in two of my classes have dropped into 80s i guess now would be a good time to make that 'i used to be a straight A student but now im not even straight' joke

    1. Short_comedian


      I was never a straight A student. I was never straight.

    2. Connor


      if it makes you feel any better i am rely behind and the teachers are really disappointed in me. Private school, no grades.

    3. flamecoloredglowstick


      @Short_comedian keepin' it consistent!

      @Connoroh that really sucks, im sorry 

  9. funny childhood stories

    oh my god same i knew this girl once when i was like eleven and i took every possible chance to look at her and couldn't stop thinking about what a nice face she had, but i never once stopped to think about why?? like pssst past me guess what you're gay
  10. i thought maybe i was old enough to not get freaked out by the jumanji drums anymore but HO BUDDY was i ever wrong

  11. sometimes i'm sad and then i remember that one of my favorite books is getting a sequel

    also: has anyone read the gentleman's guide to vice and virtue??


    1. queenie_flower


      No but I’ve heard I should. Give me a summary please?

    2. flamecoloredglowstick


      it's set in the 1700s in england and it's about this guy monty, whose father is an earl (i think but tbh i don't really remember the exact word.) and monty's kind of messed up.

      so anyway monty and his friend/crush percy are going on this tour of europe before monty has to take over his father's estate. and there's romance and adventure and lots of representation 

      also monty's sister is great i love her so much

      i probably did a crap job of that so here's a link to a more offical summary https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29283884-the-gentleman-s-guide-to-vice-and-virtue 

    3. queenie_flower


      Um heckity heck yes

  12. it's been said, i know, but i am so ready to be done with national history day oh my god

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. flamecoloredglowstick


      i definitely did not know what i was getting myself into when i signed up for it

    3. conradbirdie


      i just realized i can now go 'oh, mood' for this, rip- its mostly that i've got 6 other various papers + projects to work on that's fully killing me. good luck to us all!!

    4. flamecoloredglowstick


      shit dude that's a lot im sorry

      good luck!

  13. ametrine

    oh my god i love this so much
  14. heartbeats. if there is not room for all the things you need to say shrink down to the size of insignificance and pay attention to what you're made of. atrium. here you will find scar tissue and building block memories in a castle of too-sharp pain. there is something beautiful in broken things, learn to appreciate it and maybe maybe maybe some of the loose puzzle pieces will fall into place. veins. the things you tried to forget are here. when she doesn't talk to you anymore, come here. when you're afraid of losing him, come here. wrap your shoulders in warm-breathed nights of unholy confession, in arms covered in sharpie because we're too young for tattoos. live in the past for a moment or two while you still have the chance. ventricles. step inside and put your hands behind your back clasp your fingers like you're trying to keep from falling apart and watch. if depression is a chasm this place is a mountain dreams like blue-white water froth and your soul is an ocean. maybe if you squint your stained-glass eyes and hold the breath you're already losing there might still be hope. vena cava. fill your lungs with stale air and breathe out something fresh. don't shake too hard. take one last look at the twisted ground you don't understand. like preschool art or a homemade card it's probably worhtless but someone still cares. ________________________ author's note: i live for using different pronouns in romance-y parts of poems
  15. us history is crazy man 


    1600s dude: oh no! i don't have enough money to pay my servant!

    dude: *sells his cows for money*

    dude: oh fuckin shit i don't have any cows 

    servant: hoo buddy i have an idea why don't you be my servant until you've got enough money to buy your cows back

    and then my boy johnny winthrop was writin' about it in his diary later and felt it necessary to write 'insolent' in the margins 

    i may have taken a small bit of artistic liberty w/ the dialouge 

    but im telling you it wasn't very much

  16. because there's not enough heart-themed imagery in the world

    @conradbirdie @writeandleft aw thank you!!
  17. nothing like homework to drain the very force of life out of you

  18. hiatus

    hey i totally get that! i haven't as a lot of time lately either; i'm sorry you've got so many things going on. we'll miss you!
  19. An Untitled Poem About My Boyfriend

    aww this is so cute also the bugs look like they're performing a satanic ritual to summon the profile pics
  20. so i downloaded grammarly for an essay i had to write and now it won't leave me alone 

    i don't care about the 4 errors you've found in this go away

  21. *chooses the salmon in the poll of the week bc i like to consider myself handsome and goal-oriented*

  22. idk if it's only me but i can't see the signatures when im logged in?? like if i log out they're all there but not when i'm on my profile

    anyone else?

  23. intro things :D

    clearly don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you anything else its l i e s
  24. intro things :D

    english is frickin weird
  25. intro things :D

    i'm down for that man also more than one moose is meese just sayin welcome to the slam!!