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thepensword

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thepensword last won the day on February 12

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  1. @thepensword can you please edit this valentines day is tomorrow and i am in a panic.

     

    Love,

    what is love?

     

    Love is the feeling of falling,

         The flying feeling of weightlessness,

         And the fear of loss at any moment.

     

    Love is the time before dawn,

         The sky growing more beautiful by the moment,

         And the silence, intentional and calm.

     

    Love is the meaning of life, 

         The ups and downs that define it,

         The moments of pure joy and utter sadness.

     

    He was right, she is beautiful,

         She is kind, and caring and smart, 

         I love you to the stars and back Kate,

         Don't ever forget that.

     

    -Connor

     

    "He was right, she is beautiful," He, is her late grandfather, this is a refrence to his last words, looking at a picture of her.

     

    BTW I will post this tomorrow

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Connor

      Connor

      tune-up and second opinion please, my grammar usualy sucks

    3. thepensword

      thepensword

      ((Ok here's how I would do it. But remember, it's your poem, so feel free to ignore anything you don't like.)))

      ((when you say 'love' at the start are you addressing a person or discussing a concept? if it's the former I'd go with 'My love; what is love?' but with paragraph breaks preserved. if it's the latter then i'd use the changes i put below.)))))

       

      Love:

      what is love?

       

      Love is the feeling of falling:

           The flying feeling of weightlessness—

           The fear of loss at any moment.

       

      Love is the time before dawn:

           The sky growing more beautiful by the moment,

           The silence, intentional and calm.

       

      Love is the meaning of life:

           The ups and downs that define it,

           The moments of pure joy and utter sadness.

       

      He was right: she is beautiful:

           She is kind, and caring and smart, 

           I love you to the stars and back Kate,

           Don't ever forget that.

    4. thepensword

      thepensword

      hope that helps

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