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Everything posted by writeandleft

  1. $15. I regret nothing


  2. little things

    @thepensword why do I feel like crying...this is exactly what I didn't know I needed to hear. thank you so so so much. sending buckets of love your way. <3
  3. little things

    *I'm still super insecure about this and I feel like I'm being too dramatic...but whatever, I'm gonna post it before I talk myself out of it* it was a bunch of little things, really. all compounded into one. little things like unconsciously buying a bunch of rainbow clothes and not realizing what I was doing until my sister made fun of me for it. like letting out a sigh of relief when my pastor talked about acceptance. like wanting with all my heart to go to pride and grinning uncontrollably when I think about painting my face rainbow. like watching the video of same-sex marriage being legalized in Australia, and crying when they break out into song, even though I don't live there. like silently envying this one gay girl in my grade, because she's so open about it and why can't I be that sure of myself? like falling in love with hayley kiyoko over and over as I listen to girls like girls on repeat. like seeing love, simon in the theater and sobbing so much my makeup came off, so much I had to hide my face and tell myself to breathe, so much I felt like an idiot but at the same time I was beaming because how is this movie even real? like beaming when my friend came out as ace in a sort of roundabout way, and finally feeling comfortable telling her I'm questioning because I know she'll understand. like caving in and doing that stupid "am I gay" google search and getting frustrated at the idiotic quizzes that are only based on stereotypes but taking more and more until I get a gay enough result. like never having been in a relationship before so not even knowing what to expect from someone of any gender. like realizing that all my past male crushes were probably a mix of comp het and latching onto anyone who actually tolerated my socially anxious self. like not thinking many male actors are that attractive but conditioning myself to react well when my friends show me pictures, and whenever I see a guy I consciously ask myself if I think he's cute until it gets to the point where I don't know what's instinct and what's real. like the same thing happening with girls. like never knowing if I actually find someone attractive or not because my brain automatically goes down that path, just because I've questioned it so much. like "falling in love" with one of my best friends two years ago and not being able to tell if it was a friend crush or whatever for such a long time. like still thinking about holding her hand but then scolding myself, rebuking myself, invalidating myself. "what if you're lying?" "what if you're actually straight and just being stupid?" "what if you come out as queer but it turns out you're not and you look like a complete idiot?" because I'm making a huge deal about this and I'm so confused and I want it to be over and I want to come out but I don't know what to come out as. I hope that all these little things amount to something bigger, but I've unknowingly trained myself to doubt everything. I keep making this harder for myself, and I'm just so lost. so here's to more little things that might finally tell me who I am.
  4. little things

    @justaddbooks @drowntown @Apollo's Lover thank you guys so much, this means the world!! <3
  5. Exquisite Corpse: April 2018

    we haunt each other's foolish starstruck hearts.
  6. Lioness

    this is so beautifully written, also it kinda reminds me of my own sister. how I can't write about her cause she's so much all at once and I know her so well. If that makes any sense? anyway I love this
  7. ode to my belly rolls

    this is so wonderful :D
  8. her

    @The Invincible Troodon wow, thank you!! that actually means a lot :)
  9. her

    you let her slip into your brain with her stupid shining hair (that you know is just dirty blonde but looks like shimmering gold to you) and her stupid voice like melted butter so soft and sweet and lovely and that stupid laugh like bells (you feel strange describing her like this because that's how authors talk in books but there's no better way) and plus her stupid stupid eyes the stupidest part of all that you hate the most (those stupid stupid eyes gazing velvet soft blue satin dark and light and all the colors of a summer sky) with stars in them and all the brightness of the world stupid, stupid, stupid.
  10. I'll go with you

    @justaddbooks aw thanks! :D
  11. I'll go with you

    *wow it feels like I haven't been on this site in years but it's been like a month :] but I found the time and for some reason I want to post this thing that's highkey a rant about a conversation my crush and I had one day...embarrassing. true. prob pathetic. enjoy* my brain says go to college, get a job but my heart says abandon it all drop my cares and go backpacking across europe. (I told you all of this.) I didn’t expect you to agree but you did and you smiled that smile that I swear can make flowers bloom and you said, laughing, I’ll go with you. ireland is breathtaking why don’t we run away there? (I replied.) the cliffs are emerald and rugged brown and the trees strain towards gray satin skies like outstretched arms. it’s always raining, cold air so clean it feels sharp everyone is sweet and feels familiar and the air is filled with music and laughter and language and promise. (I didn’t say any of that to you.) (we just sat in silence for a moment reveling in this future that could be.) (I sat quiet heart thudding thinking wondering what it would be like to make this a reality, what it would be like to go anywhere with you everywhere with you to hold your hand and stare up at millions of stars to hold your hand and not have to hide the sunburst in my chest whenever you smile.) (look, there’s orion, the same orion I can see from my front yard at home three star belt I trace every night. and look cassiopeia, the little dipper, and a billion other steadfast gleaming wonders doesn’t it all make you want to jump up and fly?) my brain says stop dreaming. stop getting drunk on wishful thinking and face reality, because this is all impossible and falling in love was never a good idea. but my heart still says, and will never stop saying, I’ll go with you.
  12. It's okay

    these lines are great. and relatable as h e ck..
  13. Exquisite Corpse March 2018

    to find shelter inside myself from sandstorm winds -- grit in my teeth, eyes -- is like a welcome inhale of coastal sweetness
  14. soapbox

    you raised us saying we could be whatever we wanted to be. how about dreamer? leader? you raised us saying you would support us in everything. what about in speaking up? in making history? you raised us saying this is the land of the brave, and yet you reject us when we become the brave. you raised us saying we could change the world, and guess what? it's time. we're angry, we're scared, and we've got a goddamn good reason to want change. so step aside and realize that some things are more important than your fragile comfort. some things are more important than that AR-15 you have locked up in a safe. are you really too blinded by the bright lights surrounding you, or can you simply not see beyond your own bigoted, privileged, selfish nature? go on, tell these “immature” youth to shut up. go on, crush their free speech while you whine about yours. and you know how they'll respond? do you have any idea? keep on dancing in your carefree idiocy. keep on clinging to ugly shreds of past, keep on letting tragedies slip away without more than your hollow ‘thoughts and prayers,’ while we fight tooth and nail for the pursuit of goddamn happiness.
  15. have you ever just smelled a certain Smell and somehow...it's familiar...like ah yes,, I smelled this exact thing on september 23rd of my seventh grade year as I was sitting down to do my algebra homework.....I was in the kitchen...the window was open...it was 63 degrees F outside.....a cool breeze tousled my hair,,.,.I had not a care in the world,,,.,life was si m pler t h en .,,.... .

    1. hayfevered


      today i discovered that standing in my kindergarten line outside the school on a sunny september morning waiting to go inside while the sun blazes pleasantly apparently smells like birthday candles

    2. bluebird


      yes!! the smell of lilac bushes always bring this rlly strong memory of me as a 4 year old playing outside at daycare with my best friend at the time, luke, on a warm spring day. <3

    3. Apollo's Lover

      Apollo's Lover

      I don't get that so much with smells, but sometimes I just get a really weird feeling that's seems like it came from my past, or maybe even from someone else.

  16. noah

    this is amazing and hell yeah I think he'd adore it!!!!!!
  17. biting into a crisp strawberry is what I imagine heaven feels like

  18. I am SO so sO happyyyyy right now holy frick

    my therapist finally decided to switch from behavior mod to talk based therapy and I. just fghjnbvghmbhj !!!!!! yyyyes !!!!!!!!!!! so. much. stress. has been taken of my shoulders I feel Free

    1. queenie_flower


      Happy for you!

  19. hello humans, I had a Thought and opinions would be appreciated??

    sO I did nanowrimo 2017 and I "won" (!!!) but my novel was kind of trash. I guess it was just an outlet for me to vent because the main character was loosely based off of me (okay, in some aspects, not loosely at all. but anyway.)

    since slamming my laptop shut after finishing on november 31 and letting out a long, long breath, I didn't even open the document again until 2018. and when I did I just read it over and didn't do any editing. BUT there were some parts that I liked, so,,, I thought about posting my favorite excerpts on here, idk, for the heck of it?? because my novel is probably never gonna see the light of day?? but. would anyone care?

    ((is this a good idea, plz, I need validation))

    1. queenie_flower


      Um, im always a fan of people posting fiction here bc I like reading it for my own validation that I found a group of Good Writers, and 10/10 please do that, I’m already psyched even though I have no clue what it’s about


      also I totally get it with the character thing. I have one of them, too. Her name’s India and she’s cooler than I’ll ever be but we have the same mannerisms and thought process so...

    2. writeandleft


      yeah, the main character's called Alya and it's in first person so a lot of her internal monologues are literally just...my exact feelings. about a lot of emotional crap. the story is mostly a romance (here, it's me writing Alya the ending I wish I could have, haha) but it has elements of family struggles/some death/just a lot of angst in general.

      also I'm just totally in love with the second-to-main-character, Jade?? they're the love interest but also so much more than that?? I feel like my writing didn't do them justice but :/

      time to find excerpts!!

  20. Just a dream

    I love this imagery!!! it's so beautiful!!!
  21. chrysalis

    wow. I feel this really hard. like, scarily hard. and it's so perfectly written too <33
  22. funny childhood stories

    WAIT I THOUGHT HE WAS A GIRL YOU NEVER TOLD ME -- (I guess he was really good at crossdressing then, thanks for this piece of information)
  23. school's closed? God Has Smiled upon my non-homework-doing self

    1. Short_comedian


      My school's district closed. For rain.

  24. whyyyyy do people insist to be screaming and chanting and setting off fireworks after the super bowl...I know the win was big but is it bigger than my need for sleep??

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. thepensword


      uh because one group of men beat up another group of men and stole a weirdly shaped ball from them and that's obviously the most important thing. DUH.

    3. hayfevered


      ALSO i saw a fucking video of the halftime show and it was so funny it was like dead silent except for the fake fans by the stage 

      but yayy men inflicting brain damage on one another amirite

    4. writeandleft


      *oprah voice* you get a concussion! you get a concussion! you