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Ainm

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Ainm last won the day on January 6

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About Ainm

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    Imago
  1. current events (chapbook)

    content warnings (in no particular order): violence (mentioned explicitly, but not in explicit detail); death; and allusions to homophobia, Islamophobia, racism, and anti-Semitism. I've spent part of the past year working on a new (mini)chapbook. All but one of the poems is completely new to this site, and I'm really excited to share it with y'all. I discuss the events of the past year in detail in this chapbook, which is to say, if you found the past year upsetting, this will likely be a difficult read. But while difficult and upsetting, I believe that these events need to be discussed. Please read this chapbook when and if it is safe for you to do so. As always, I am happy to hear your comments and feedback. Please let me know what you think! Cheers, Ainm current events chapbook (Ainm).pdf
  2. afternoon capsule in ionian mode

    Do you mean Botts' dots (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Botts'_dots)? Or the boringly named "raised pavement markers" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raised_pavement_marker)?
  3. mallory

    Out of context (or in context, really), I love this line.
  4. car key waltz (tw past abuse)

    ...I've known one of these. Yikes. Also, the repetition of "let go" really gets to me. Well done.
  5. and what if they were angels?

    First: awwww, thanks. Second: I mean, I like that y'all listen to/appreciate my advice, but... I am a fallible human being. Don't put me on a pedestal. Pedestals are distinctly uncomfortable places. (I'd rather you put me in a pillow corner like the kindergartner I can be, or in an armchair where I can be crotchety and tell you stories of the good ol' days of the Slam. That seems more appropriate.)
  6. For an array of reasons, my state of being is primarily just nervous laughter.

  7. and what if they were angels?

    Long time Slammer here, and yeah, that's about it. Be kind. Support each other. Own your fuck-ups, when and if they happen. Which, it occurs to me, are just the standard rules for being a decent human being and friend, really. On another topic, I really enjoyed this and would love to give it a thorough critique (but fair warning, I can be a little ...erhm, nitpicky). Interested?
  8. One week to chapbook publication, and I am learning that self-imposed deadlines are not my friend.

  9. General things: Names of characters should be in all caps in stage directions (or basically anywhere that isn't dialogue). Say how characters do look/act/sound not how they should. Stage directions that occur in lines of dialogue should be in parentheses. Try to eliminate unnecessary stage directions (e.g., things that can be inferred from dialogue [which should be most things], things that are evident from previous/other stage directions, etc.). Go through and edit your capitalization and punctuation for consistency. (There are a lot of little things that I think you can catch on your own, so I've focused my critique more on content than conventions.) Content things: I feel like he'd be a little bit more specific about location? Not that I've ever been on a cruise, but "hundreds" seems pretty vague. I'd eliminate the question/response about where the rooms are. It feels a little confusing/contrived with the other context: Why would the neighbor ask if they already knew where the room was? Okay, this is funny, but... this doesn't seem like a realistic reaction at all. Unless you're going for surrealism/satire (which the rest of this piece doesn't really feel like), the line doesn't really seem to belong. There are girl scouts on cruise ships? This seems apropos of nothing, but if you're going for nonsense... Overall thoughts: This advice probably seems contrary to everything that I critiqued, but I think you need to increase the nonsensical aspects. Make it satire. Make it surreal. Make it worthy of Vonnegut and Austen. Like @conradbirdie said, "THAT STUPID YELLOW SHIRT" has potential to be iconic. Bring the rest of the piece up to its level.
  10. ode to the visible universe (tw death mentions)

    Something about the multiple commas in addition to parentheses doesn't work for me here. (Read: words are good; formatting needs work.) I'm not really sure what you're trying to do with your use of italics in this poem, even after having gone through the poem to make a list of all the words you italicized and then re-examining each one in context. The only two that really work for me are "you do not scare me" and "everything dies". I'd eliminate this question mark. This phrase feels bulky and awkward. Love this. I'm not a fan of this, mostly because it's explicitly stating the conceit of your poem ("death and space are inextricable") while also adding in other, more tangential topics ("earth and sea"). Again, I think you could improve punctuation here for the sake of clarity. Additional note: the ocean imagery works here, because it's in relation to space. I don't think ocean imagery on its own works particularly well in this poem. Also love this. If it comes from "the end, and the beginning, and whatever / lies between" wouldn't that be the same as to come from everywhere? I'm not sure what you're getting at with this. The synonym list isn't working for me. I think you could find another way to say this. I'd replace man's/man with our/we. Again, the sea imagery feels like a deviation from the greater space theme here. It seems more distracting than effective. Add a comma after "apollo" for clarity. Delete this comma. "you are"? This repetition doesn't work for me. Either "indefinite" or "infinite" would suffice here; both seems redundant. I like this phrase. (Also, it makes me even more inclined to suggest using simply "indefinite" instead of "indefinitely infinite"." I'd cut this phrase. Very smooth connection back to the main theme. Well done. I see what you're getting at here, but it doesn't feel in the spirit of the poem. (I know that's incredibly vague feedback, but still.) I like the internal allusion (is that a thing? I'm making it a thing), but I'm still not in favor of adding elements beyond the death/life/space themes. This phrase doesn't make sense to me, especially as it gets into "gravity, dream-maker". Consider revising. Simply lovely. I know this is really long and nitpicky, but I hope it's also helpful. (Feel free to argue with my critiques/ask questions about things I didn't touch on/share a revised document for more feedback/etc.) Cheers for an excellent poem!
  11. ode to the visible universe (tw death mentions)

    (1) This is lovely. (2) Can I do a massive critique of this? (The more I like a thing, the more nitpicky and brutal my editing becomes, so I thought I ought to give you a heads up/choice on this one.)
  12. moonselves

    I thought about dice, etc. but then I thought about all the moon mythology that there is and went with that instead. But "object with faces" + Google haunts you forever. I'm... I'm cackling hysterically. This is glorious.
  13. moonselves

    moonselves, of rust and radiance above the sputtering sodium and luminescent fluorescent glare in the three am semi-black sky reflection and distorted refraction split between rabbit and old man either honored, spun or spoken who are we in moments unseen standing soul-shaken and awed in the three pm semi-black sky eclipse and unrelated equinox split between dragon and witch neither damned, fable or truth who are we in moments unseen looming phosphorescence above rusted and radiant moonselves // After "starfield", prompt by @drowntown, which I followed almost (but not) exactly. Other notes: I apparently can't make up compound words worth anything, so I used a compound word generator, which was thoroughly hilarious. I also at some point googled "objects with faces", which was a mistake. (The internet is a weird place, y'all.)
  14. starfield

    Yay, I have a poetry project for the evening! Many thanks. :)
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