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queenie_flower last won the day on May 10

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About queenie_flower

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  1. Star sisters

    I can’t help too much right now bc I have tests to study for but I love the parallelism here and if I were to change one thing it would be the last line of the first stanza, which feels a little bulky.
  2. corinthian

    let my walls crumble even if I am tossed beneath the columns the rubble of what I was once constructed of the remains of my potential, all my what-ifs and coulds and shoulds red-smeared marble is impure crumpled; unnatural in texture corinthian carvings etched onto my skull for now I see through the glass darkly and commaless phrases only add my dearest to my destruction of structure the demolition of myself from the inside daggers wedged below my skin since childhood cloaked phrases swim below the surface there is beauty in destruction in pain in ruins no candles to light the way to the top sparks must come from somewhere else one by night two by water maybe the sparks have died when they touch the ground dew-coated grass smothering the small infinity of an explosion my walls will fall from within
  3. untitled ii (phoenix wings)

    You reminded me I could fly then set my wings alight So I tear off my dress And laugh at the scars For I will be here when the winter comes And I will stay Until my soul is burned away by envy Spring will bring forth the good in me And force vines Through the calcium shell that encases my heart May butterfly wings fuse to my spine And let sparks fly from the lightning branded at my hips Perhaps ice will fall from my touch As well as my lips Or maybe my voice Will crack the frost around your heart And the heat from my wings Or the fire from my tongue Will melt the steel that encases your mind How you forged it I’ll never know In the meantime I will fly far from here Far from your words pressurized by time Fireworks spark inside you I will fly further than the embers On wings that cannot be taken from me
  4. breakup without an actual relationship

    feel free to dump stuff here any time. I’m sorry that happened, and I hope you feel better soon!
  5. butterfly identification

    @thepensword R E L A T A B L E
  6. On Forensic Anthropology

    hate to ruin this thought-provoking depression/dysphoria train over here but science says your “female skeleton” literally might have slightly more mature bones (by like, three years) and some slightly rounded hips. It’s close to impossible to tell male from female by skeletons alone. have fun, don’t think too much, love you no matter what gender your bones might potentially suggest you could be
  7. safe wall

    Because, what if it happens again? What if the hallways are full of children and you can smell the fear in the air as we run? Because nobody will be walking. The teachers told us to run now. Forget order over safety. How disturbing is it to hear that for the students? Because we know that we need to cut the shit, nobody will be walking if we don’t run. What if there’s nothing we can do? What if it’s one of our own, and warriors are left fighting for their lives instead of the state championship? What if we hold the door for them to turn on us? What if there’s more than one of them, and there’s no longer safety in numbers? What if they get onto the roof, and blood and bullets water the grass? What if they come during lunch when it’s sunny, and three hundred students are outside enjoying the sun, and not paying attention? What if there is no safe wall? What if the announcement comes on while we’re changing classes, and nobody hears the PA? What if not enough people hear? What if there’s not enough rooms nearby? What do you do when the doors and windows are staggered? What happens if the forty-year-old blinds jam? What if were are faced with the reality that a glitter-covered poster can’t stop a bullet? What if we have to move the filing cabinet and the bookshelf and the ancient pink couch to barricade the door with the key that has been lost over the course of forty years? What if the multimillion dollar renovations leave freshmen hiding on the floor below broken windows while history is made instead of taught? What if the teachers have to make good on their promises? What if someone does come in? Will we all throw our shoes like we’ve been told, battered Converse and strappy sandals and fresh new sneakers hurled in the direction of the door? Will she actually throw diluted lab acids in their eyes? Will they even need their eyes to shoot? Will award-winning yearbooks be enough to hurt? Would they actually do impossibly more for us? Would they leave us all in their debt for the rest of our lives? Because what if it happens again, and we aren’t ready, despite everything we’ve tried to do? Will leaving the school where we’re supposed to be safe be enough to remind people what if? What if nowhere becomes safe? note: I wrote this between the parkland shooting and the walkout. Just decided to post it. My teachers talked about it almost non-stop in classes the week after. We have new rules because of it. It’s created way too many alternate pathways for what could happen.
  8. I Want

    The repetition of “I want” in the first three lines of each stanza is good, I’d keep that structure even if you change individual lines. Breathe* consider changing “our” in the first stanza to something like this or a, it doesn’t match the second stanza First of all, relatable. Secondly, this is a strong parallel structure. To make the poem flow better, maybe take out the second to? Still grammatically correct, in case you were wondering. I don’t see many (if any) issues with this. I say submit it! Ainm will take care of you. queenie out
  9. infinity must be shades of blue

    infinity must be shades of blue war paint old brushes flutter over forearms fingers sweep across jawlines in groups of three drips of royal rain collapse down necklines drizzle into hair (stained further as we card our hands through) legs are pressed by palms handprints left as memory streaks of darker-than-sky swatches bridging wrists ocean-dipped fingertips tangle drying paint coats the curves of our necks a second splintering skin splattered inverse stars freckle cheeks stretched by grins lips half-touched by blue
  10. Threat (tw, death, implied school shooting) (unfinished)

    I’m going to edit this later bc I have a lot of feelings about this as well as a thing I didn’t post yet
  11. Moving on

    you dropped the pen names my DUDE I’m sorry it still hurts, but at least you know it meant something if it does. Your tags are relatable btw
  12. butterfly identification

    our baby’s conflicted
  13. I love how this poem flows here. It’s very rhythmic. Good word choice. Also, adrenaline* unless you were trying to make a point by leaving the word unfinished much like this sentence
  14. Contradictions

    only feedback I have at the moment is that the rhyme scheme changes a few times. The poem still totally works, but you might want to stick to just ABAB or ABAC or AABB, just for consistency.
  15. yellow

    I caught the paper not seeing the paint opposite you laughed when I scowled when I swiped at you with yellow fingertips you dodged you asked me to teach you a game you said you had never learned so we started slowly right clap left clap both back clap and again right clap right clap left clap left clap faster now both back clap both back clap you stumbled I laughed that time I said we could stop only if you wanted you insisted we keep going And so again right clap right clap right clap keeping time with raindrops left clap left clap left clap It’s easier to smile when you are, too both back clap both back clap both back clap and I can make eye contact but you stay focused on making our hands touch right clap right clap right clap right clap your hair falls in your face slightly into your eyes I brush my own hair away without breaking pace left clap left clap left clap left clap you shake your head at me both back clap both back clap both back clap both back clap You ask to keep going I step to the side out of the way I hold out my hands right clap right clap right clap right clap right clap I nearly miss half distracted you call me out with every syllable of my name you can remember left clap left clap left clap left clap left clap I reply with every syllable of yours You asked if I knew your middle name David, isn’t it? You shook your head said something in Hebrew that most certainly was not a name I must have looked stunned because you laughed again Yeah. It’s David. both back clap both back clap both back clap both back clap both back clap You grabbed my hands before we could keep going not anything affectionate You said we had done it perfectly I said you’d only just learned the game and in a moment you had let go you had seen the yellow paint that stained your hands now, too I wonder if you washed me off with the yellow note: fuck fuckity fuck I don’t like feelings how do people cope