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Everything posted by mousecircus

  1. intro things :D

    *insert big emphatic keysmash here* oh the new site is so pretty!! i love it :~) i'm violet i'm 16 i love to read and write and also SCREAM about my interests. i could talk about my favorite bands for hours but!! that's for another thread. tell me about yourselves, y'all!
  2. flesh & bone [huge ed tw]

    also like this is basically just Disordered Eating Word Vomit (haha punny) but like... idk just please don't feel obligated to critique it bc ik it's bad lol
  3. flesh & bone [huge ed tw]

    skipping all the meals i can get away with and telling lem that i’m fine, i’m eating, i’m not starving myself. telling myself i don’t have an eating disorder (no really! i don’t!) because if i did, my mom would kill me. can’t have both daughters hospitalized within one year, especially not for the same thing. feeling guilty for getting a second helping of dinner, because it’s all i’ve had all day and if i’m gonna shrink down to skin & bones, i’ve got to be a lot more serious about this, right? right? not telling alex that it’s getting ugly again, because we met on the second day of my first fast and he had to make me eat. i don’t want anyone to worry, but especially not him or lem. but really, all it comes down to is that i’m tired of having a body large enough that it can be violated easily. author's note: can y'all tell i'm Fucking Suffering?? (relatedly if anyone wants my personal blog url hit me up)
  4. intro things :D

    excellent!!!!!!!!!!! @conradbirdie
  5. H fuck ... whom else drinks too much coffee and gets caffeine headaches daily bc i...suffer :)

  6. intro things :D

    NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @bearboy
  7. update on last status: i think i'm gonna write some UH edgy eating disorder poetry and hide it :)

    1. queenie_flower


      boo... at least share it with us

    2. mousecircus


      but it's gonna be Bad!

    3. mousecircus
  8. HHHHHHHHH i want to write but my brain is A Dumb Fuck and will not provide me prompts :(

  9. intro things :D

    octopodes is correct i think @drowntown but beef doesn't have a plural form!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. who else is Loving their Friends on this fine day??? i posted so much pda abt my friends...good thing they can't see it <3 
    i'm just. they're both so good?

  11. (comp het?) crushes & squishes

    ahahaha Mood i wanna date a girl who makes me not as scared of driving @drowntown
  12. (comp het?) crushes & squishes

    disclaimer: this thread is basically just an excuse for me to ramble about my two comp het crushes (who i do love dearly, just not in a truly romantic sense). okay so!!!!!!!! there's alex and he's a sophomore (i'm a junior) and!!!!!!!!!! he said he loves me last night (as a friend lmao :D) when i was super paranoid? love him!!!! and he's really smart and funny and cool and and and!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah :) And Then There's Lemmings... he's my comp. het crush best friend older brother figure!!!! he tries to make sure i'm taking care of myself but given that we live on opposite coasts, that doesn't work so well :( but he tries and i love him for it! and i've known him for. idk math but early in my 7th grade year (when i was 12) which was his 9th grade year (when he was 14). i'm now almost 17, so!!! i've known him almost 5 years!!! which is a Very Long Time slhflksdfh...and like, yeah lem and i have had some Rough Times but!!!!! i love him!!!!!!!!!!!! and like... idk if he Knows that he's like? my older sibling? i'm sure he's aware but. i might show him this post later today just to be sure he Knows :) anyway!!!!!! tell me about y'all's comp. het crushes / Real Crushes / squishes! :D
  13. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  i love lemmings he's my oldest + closest friend and i'm just, heart eyes he's so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. mousecircus


      he is gay and i am ga y but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love him

  14. oh my gd... so. do y'all know the band rush?? bc i just learned that the lead singer (geddy lee) is jewish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am Excited :)

  15. big ed tw, suicide tw i guess

    my sister claims i never had an eating disorder even tho i rly rly did in 7th grade
    like i was super underweight and i was using a lot of behaviors and stuff and my sister is like "oh but you ate"
    dumb bitch my psychiatrist said the amount and type of behaviors i was using could have killed me 
    like i could have had a heart attack from how much i was purging, but apparently it doesn't count because i ate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

    anyway i want to fucking die :)

    1. conradbirdie


      @mousecircus i'm really sorry that happened to you, dude. let me know if i can help, okay?

    2. mousecircus


      i will, birdie! thank you <3

  16. true solidarity (idk WHAT kinda solidarity but...definitely some kind) is when someone makes a tide pod joke in latin class and you fire back with a "rosin is the TRUE forbidden snack" joke...and then your latin teacher agrees with you!!!!!!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. mousecircus
    3. drowntown


      it tastes the same as pine tree sap but less acidic

      i licked it

      dont ask me how i know what pine tree sap tastes like

    4. mousecircus
  17. oh my gd so... my sister is in an iop (intensive outpatient) program right now, and she showed some of the other girls in the program some pics of me.

    apparently the three girls who saw my pics all said i was cute, and one girl said she's going to set me up with her sister? i am not sure if she was serious but gd i hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. queenie_flower


      I’ve been asked out directly as a joke many times and it’s the worst when you don’t know if it’s a joke or not

    3. mousecircus


      @queenie_flower she didn't even ask me out? she told my sister that she'd set me up with her sister and when my sister told me about it she like. didn't specify that it was a joke :(

    4. queenie_flower


      Um that’s even MORE stupid at least people had the grace to do it to my face

  18. hm... biggest question is uh. why do i always date ppl who end up fucking hating me after we break up?

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. mousecircus


      @conradbirdie that's rly fucking weird tbh.

      my theory as to why my ex stormed out was that like? maybe they felt like our latin teacher was playing favorites btwn me and a mutual friend in a review game?? but not 100% sure.

    3. conradbirdie


      @mousecircus hey BIG mood!! i think she was lonely + bored w/ me at the same time?? who knows

      ohhhhh that makes sense, yeah! Still: Really Rude. Really Weird! i hope everything works out okay, dude

    4. mousecircus


      it looks like it's gonna be fine, thank you! <3

  19. HHHHHH i am so excited i'm currently reading emily wilson's translation of the odyssey, and i have how to make a wish (Lesbian Book) in my bag, and two more lesbian books on the way to my library!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love this :)

    also i showed my therapist "twin fantasy" (the poem) today and she actually liked it!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. also psst i need help

    okay so in the topbar (top of the screen) after logging in you should see a thing where it says "create" click that and a dropdown menu comes up; "status" should be one of the options.
  21. twin fantasy

    thanks so much, birdie! <3
  22. twin fantasy

    it’s like the moon when it’s up on the other side of the globe. i’ll leave y’all behind when you decide to let me self-destruct in peace. it’s not the actual self-destructing i care about, it’s that it shows me you care. i woke up and i was trying to kill you. i tell myself that it’s going to get better better better! but when i hit the ground i still won’t eat enough and i’m still too large and i’d still die to get away from my mother. it’s like when i love you loud enough that the whole world knows but no one really cares. except for not really, because i’m terrified and you’re uncomfortable most of the time, and so it never really works out like that. i’d pretend to be drunk or something when i display vulnerability, especially around you, but we all know that’s not going to work out. we all know i don’t drink and i’m too candid to fake my way through something like that. i just want to learn how to say “i love you,” without hurting anyone or myself or making things weird. this is a poem about comp het crushes and how they can overlap into friend-love type situations. written while listening to car seat headrest's 2011 album twin fantasy.
  24. does anyone in this thread uh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! listen to car seat headrest bc they're doing a re-release of "twin fantasy" (the album) on february 16, 2018 and i am SO fucking PUMPED i think i'm gonna cry lol :))))))

    1. mousecircus


      this album makes me SO gd-damned emotional y'all Do Not Understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!