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Kylie Moore

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About Kylie Moore

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  1. Anxiety

    Anxiety I’m glad i’m in your life. So glad that society introduced you to me. Now that we’re together, there's no leaving. We are together forever. I am bonded to you. You can’t throw me away, i’m staying. Oh and, i’m clingy. Super clingy. I’ll always be right beside you, attached to you. I’ll follow you to the bathroom in the morning and, when you look in the mirror, i’ll tell you that they won’t like you. I’ll tell you that after this moment of seeing your face, you won’t be able to see it again. I’ll tell mirror to lie to you. To misshape your face and decieve you. Your nose isn’t proportional to your face. I’ll follow you back to your room, into your closet to search for clothes. I’ll tell you that the boy you like hates that color, that the other will make you look bad. I’ll also follow you as you change, forcing your eyes to scan the room and your head to spin around making sure no one sees you change. Then, i’ll follow you outside and on the bus. I’ll give you the fear of tripping and falling. The fear of what if this big yellow bus ends up flipping and you will never see your family again. I’ll give you that fear of the girl that bullies you. The one that will call you names. What if she fights you today on the bus? What if? What if? What if? I’ll explode your mind with these what ifs and improve your heartbeat because it wasn’t fast enough for me. I’m also going to steal your breath from your lungs, just because I want to. I’ll make it feel like your ribs have caved in and are stabbing you in the lungs. I’ll push those tears out of your eyes. You’re going to gasp for air for me, possibly hyperventilate. Yet, after that i’m tired. So I’ll leave you alone when your best friend gets on the bus. Just so you can finally have a laugh and I can have some rest. But then, you arrive to your school. Time to get off the bus, babygirl. Man I love calling you that. Makes me even more clingy. I’m up from my nap and even more hyper than a 4 year old. I’m so awake. I’m gonna make your brain roar, i’m gonna cause ruckus. My turn, babygirl. You walk past the red brick wall and now you’re in sight of people in the cafe. You’re nervous. What’re they going to think of me? Is my outfit not right? What about my hair? That’s me thinking that. I’m in control. We’re best friends? Right? How was that compliment? She said you look cute today. But, did she mean it? Of course she didn’t. Nobody ever says what they mean. I just love controlling your thoughts. It’s so great. WAIT!!! STOP!!! Too fast, you’re going to trip down the stairs and embarrass yourself. Gosh, clumsy girl. No wonder why nobody likes you anyways. Just keep walking. You finish down the stairs, you’re exposed to people. You knew that wall wouldn’t hide you forever. Are they staring at you? Yes. welcome to humiliation. The what-ifs are back. You’re shaking. Oh god yes. Your shaking brings me pleasure. I love it so much. Keep going on with your internal earthquake. You finally enter the room where all your ‘friends’ are. They’re only your friends because of your boyfriend. Sure. true friends. You see your ex. Oh my the thoughts I spark about him. What if he comes over here and grabs me again? What if he tries to talk to me? What if he is staring at me? What if he……? So many flowing through your head. Boy am I really alive now. Your phone just vibrated. It’s your ex, he wants you back and he is blowing up your phone again. He is begging for you back, he needs your attention, baby. He needs his babygirl back. Ohhhh there is that word I love to call you again. Babygirl, babygirl. I’ll just chant it in your head. He used to call you that. Didn’t he? You’re still in love with him. What’s that feeling on your mouth? Do you miss his kiss? Of course you do. But what if that’s all he wants from you? Of course it is. I can’t believe you going on and on about him up here. Remember the fights? The arguments? Yeah.. there we go. You’re not thinking good of him any more are you. Think about all of the times me and you got to lay in bed together and the salty taste of your tears. The position, I really hope your pillow couldn’t feel the pain of your grip or hear the sobs or feel and taste the tears. Remember him grabbing you? Remember that? Don’t go back to him. It’ll happen again. He’s still texting you. You’re reading them all. Heart almost beating out of your chest by the last one. Is he going to go off today? I wouldn’t risk it. You’re almost there now. One more thought to replay or think of. You think again of what he might do to you. You know he is stronger than you. You can’t go to class, he is going to be in there. But you can go to the bathroom. Then there is a mirror. You look in it and sob. You’re worthless. You’re nothing but a toy to guys. He only wanted you for his own pleasure. And when he didn’t get it? He treated you like crap and told you he loved you still. YOU ARE NOTHING!!! There it is, the tears all for me. Thank you, I so needed a bath. Keep them coming, i’m not finished yet. Another text is sent to you. But it’s not him. It’s your boyfriend now. Hey babygirl, are you ok? Ouuu, babygirl. Are you ok? No. you tell him no. He rushes to the bathrooms and shoots another text saying he is there. You go out to him and the first thing he does is gather all of the broken you in his arms and hold you together. He’s like the glue to put you back together. That don’t stop the tears from streaming down your face. Your heart is beating faster than a race horse’s. My favorite, it’s not fast enough for me still but I guess that this pace is going to have to work. Oh, and your breath. I’m stealing it. Using it for myself because I don’t think or care about you. I’ll take it all until you’re blue in the face. My breaths now. There is that pain you asked for when you wore that shirt today. He holds you closer, it makes you feel worthless. Because you’re this broken girl in this strong guys arms. But then you realize the good of it all when HE tells you that you look good today. HIS compliments mean everything to you. HIS touch, HIS arms, HIS hands. HE is EVERYTHING in this moment. HE wants you to get rid of me. Well, news flash, babygirl, i’m not going anywhere. Forever and ever. We are married in perfect unison. He’s on our lives now and we need him. I’m just going to make things hard for you. Since, you know we are together forever. He is trying to get in my way. Not happening. I’m just going to make you second guess and assume and think he is everything but what he truly is. Oh yeah, i’m gonna make you scared of those 3 little words too. That start with I and end with you. Don’t want him to say those do we, babygirl? Those 4 words that your dad used when you were little. Speaking of that thing, where is he? I force the thoughts of your father upon you. The what ifs of him showing at your house again high off of whatever drug he could get this time. The sound of his voice, the yelling and screaming. His towering height, and massive hands with the super strong grip. We shouldn’t bring him up though. But i’ll do it anyways. I’m going to make your life a living hell and all you can do is live with me. Why do I do that? Because my name is anxiety and i’m your new life partner. Your significant other that you wish wouldn’t be so significant. We are married together forever in unison and i’ll only be here through the worse. I love you, babygirl. Love, Anxiety
  2. Dear Society,

    I’m sorry. I don’t have the greatest body, i’m not the prettiest, my teeth aren’t pure white or perfectly straight. I’m not tall, i’m short. My hair isn’t all the same color, I make stupid decisions. I’m scared to go out in public because of your expectations. Y’all as a whole made me who I am. Am I too nice? Am I one of the prettiest in people’s eyes? Am I too mean? What if someone thinks I look mean? Am I too extra? Am I someone’s crush? Am I ugly? Did the guy that just passed check me out? Am I beautiful? Did she just give me a dirty look? What do people think of me? Do I look that bad? There is an endless amount of questions I could ask you. And i’d want you to be honest with me. Honesty hurts, worse than unexpectedly getting stung by a bee. Worse than heartaches because you’re remembering the way it feels when a heart breaks. “Pretty faces shouldn’t feel like this” does that mean i’m ugly? “You’re too gorgeous to be crying” uhm thanks? “You shouldn’t dress like that, it’s inappropriate” ok, i’ll change. “You shouldn’t do your hair like that, it’s not in style” but… “You still shouldn’t even though you like it” okay. I won’t do it.. “You shouldn’t hang with so many guys, you seem like a hoe” they’re my friends. “Why do you hang around all girls all the time? Are you gay?” no… you just said not to hang with guys though… “Maybe you’re just lying to cover it up. I can’t trust you” “You shouldn’t wear that” “Why do you talk like that?” “What’s wrong with your eyes?” “Why do your teeth look like that?” “Your hair looks fake” “Is that your natural hair color?” “You look bad with dyed hair, don’t do that again.” “You look like a boy with that haircut” “You’re so skinny” “You look fat” “That’s not your color” “You look better in black” “Why are you wearing so much makeup?” STOP DOING THIS TO ME!!! I can’t stand it. I hear these voices every morning when i’m getting dressed. I hear them when I brush my teeth and hair in the morning. I hear them when i’m taking my bright blonde hair out of the braids I put it in the night before. I hear these voices every day. They taunt me, they tease me. They make me strive to be something better because I want to live up to societies standards. So, thanks for the extra pain. Thanks for the long nights, the tears, the screams and cries at night, and the gut feeling of fear I can’t shake. Thanks for nothing society. Sincerely, the broken and scared
  3. Smoke, Fog and Haze

    “What’re you doing? Why are you grabbing me?” Anna snarled. “I can’t see anything, Anna why can’t I see?” Christian cried out “Well, we are in this cave but that doesn't explain anything because we have a light and the crystals in the cave glow”. Anna told him “WELL I STILL CAN’T SEE!!!” Christian yelled back at her “That’s your fault isn’t it?” Anna said as bats started to fly around. “Anna, i’m scared what's that noise?” Christian quivered out his words. “If you could see, you would be able to tell what it is. Why can’t you see?” Anna snapped back “If I knew why I couldn’t see, I would have fixed the problem a while ago. We need to find a way out”. Christian said “Maybe you should let go of me because I need to look around and find a way out.” Anna told him. “I could help you look around but I can’t see what's in front of me.” Christian Explained “AHHHHHHHH” Anna screamed, she started to panic. “What??? Anna what is it? Did you see something? I still can’t see”. Christian wanted to cry but then he realized he is suppose to be strong while she panicked. “I saw a lion, like a mountain lion or something. Christian, we really need to go.” Anna said panically. “ ok, ok. It’ll all be okay. Let’s go”. He tried to calm Anna down. “Looks like we should go this way to exit, I think I’ve seen this rock before”. Anna assured Christian. “Alright, alright. Take my hand and guide me. I trust you”. Christian told Anna. What he didn’t know is that telling someone you trust them can be deceiving. Anna didn’t grab him by the hand and take him the right way. She knew the legend about seeing the light in the back of the cave. She knew that it led to someone far worse than a single mountain lion. That was the signification that they were close. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. “Anna, are we almost there? I need to rest”. Christian asked. She led him to a large room, it was lit up everywhere by crystals that glow in the dark. He said that it was bright in there but that’s all he could tell. He was still scared and couldn’t see. Anna told him she had dropped something behind them and she needed to go get it. She left him standing in the middle of this room and she didn’t come back. It was silent and everything was ok. Something was throw at him, It landed on his foot. He bent down and picked it up. It was slimey and gross feeling, but he still held it because he didn’t know what it was. “Open your eyes”. Whispers all around him came about. He opened his eyes and was in a cold basement with spotlights and camera on him. He looked down and he was holding a human heart. He shouldn’t of being going around blinded by fear and walking through his life with his eyes closed.
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