Jump to content
Attention, CICADA community!
  • It’s time to say goodbye—the community at cicadamag.com is closing. Learn more...

Connor

  • Content count

    44
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

22 Excellent

About Connor

  • Rank
    Imago

Recent Profile Visitors

2644 profile views

Single Status Update

See all updates by Connor

  1. Peeps, is this fit for posting?

    Pain gives meaning

     too a life that would

    choke on the monotony.

     

    darkness brings relief

    to eyes clouded with pessimism,

    and the chaos that blinds.

     

    So I close my eyes,

    and darkness I see.

     

    Then breaking the silence,

    pale hands caressing

    short, black hair.

     

    Then, a dark haired  man, too tall to be me.

    A blond woman, too curly to be you.

    Two children calmly playing.

     

    Then last a funeral, 

    A tombstone.

     

    CA   2003-2031

    KA   2006-2031

    "Love until the end. I guess it wasn't enough."

     

    I wake wondering,

    and then it comes.

     

    Pain is meaning,

    Meaning is love,

    Love is loss,

    Loss is pain,

    and the circle continues.

     

    lost in love is meaning and pain.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. queenie_flower

      queenie_flower

      First, go submit it. It’s great. 

      that’s always my advice to submit it, btw bc it’s easier to find and also the same people are seeing it so *shrugs* this isn’t official

      also I get not wanting to submit crap. But don’t worry about that bc we all do sometimes. I have literally written stuff to post straight in the submission box and posted it anyway

    3. writeandleft

      writeandleft

      wow I really like this!! I do have a few suggestions but they're mostly grammar/mechanics related so here goes:

      Quote

      Pain gives meaning,

       to a life that would,

      choke on the monotony

      I'd say get rid of both commas, they interrupt the flow. also you might add a period at end of the stanza to be consistent with the rest of the poem.

      Quote

      darkness brings relief,

      Quote

      pale hands caressing,

      grammatically, no commas here either.

      Quote

      Then, a dark haired  man, too tall to be me.

      A blond haired woman, hair to curly to be yours.

      I like these lines. I have a suggestion, though, if you want to parallel them more -- maybe change the second line to "a blonde woman, too curly haired to be you" to fit with the direction of the first line more??? does that make any sense??

      (also the word "to" should have two "o"s in the second line, but that's probably just a slip-up)

      Quote

      "Love until the end, I guess it wasn't enough."

      ooh I also love this, but I feel like it might be more striking as two sentences -- "love until the end. I guess it wasn't enough."

      Quote

      Pain is meaning,

      Meaning is love,

      love is loss,

      loss is pain,

      and the circle continues.

       

      lost in love is meaning and pain.

      wowow I love this ending! I'd just say be consistent with capitalization.

       

      overall this is a beautiful poem! it's well written and powerful. keep writing my friend!!!

    4. Connor

      Connor

      thanks peeps

      my mom keeps lecturing me that people don't want to read in edited work

      😎🤓😜

×