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justaddbooks last won the day on August 15

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  1. Hey guys I just came out as lesbian to a bunch of my friends and some of my family! It was pretty good, but I was wondering if any of you had advice about how to react to a certain situation? I was coming out to some of my close friends and this one guy, who's more my friend's friend was there too. I didn't plan on him being there, but it was okay and I didn't mind him knowing anyway.  He texted me to ask about how my parents reacted- I assumed he was just worried so I told him they were fine, and today he texted me asking about how I figured out that I was gay.  To be honest, I don't completely want to answer him. It's not my responsibility, even if I'm out, the information feels too private given that we aren't very good friends, and I didn't even plan to come out to him, but I feel bad about not replying because 1) I'm out so it doesn't really matter 2) What if he's asking because he's gay? Am I adding on to internalized homophobia if I don't respond? 3) What if he's trying to understand someone he's close to that's gay? 4) He's a nice person, it's not like I have anything to be afraid of.

    I don't really know what I'm doing, sorry if this is completely incoherent.

    1. queenie_flower


      hey buddy I’m maybe not the best person to ask about this but I’m going to answer anyway. 

      1) He is not your responsibility. Tell him it’s still kind of a private thing for you, even if you are out. He should understand, especially if he’s nice and understanding like you’ve made him out to be. 2) Do try to reply in some way, even if it’s just telling him what I suggested in #1. I don’t think you’re contributing to internalized homophobia by not telling him your personal journey, even if he’s gay or pan or questioning or just. not. straight. (Anyone can correct me on this, I know i could be wrong) 3) You can always ask him why he wants to know. There is nothing wrong with that, and unless his friend is still closeted, he’ll probably tell you if it’s for his friend. 4) I like to think of myself as a nice person too, and while that may make you feel bad about not answering, it definitely doesn’t mean you have to because he WILL understand.

      TL;DR: do reply, but don’t feel like you have to answer. It’s your life, he should get that.

      -queenie out

    2. hayfevered


      if u need someone else's anecdote u can say that my Gay Awakening was when i agreed w one of my friends that x celebrity or y classmate was hot and then later i was like Oh No Theyre Hot Hot you know??

      alternatively my other Gay Awakening was 'wow i love cuddling this person but im straight! can you kiss someone on the mouth and still be straight? wait a minute. Oh No'

    3. justaddbooks


      @queenie_flower thank you! I agree that it's probably just best to talk to him.

      @hayfevered i burst out laughing thanks