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Everything posted by justaddbooks

  1. oh my tumblr's @penelopebunceismypatronus if anyone's interested

    (it's a fandom mess though)


    Thank you so much!
  3. (this is gonna be unbearably cheesy but here we go)

    I'm sorry Cicada's ending, I've only been here for a little bit but it was such as nice creative outlet and support system. I feel like I made progress in my writing and now I'm not as afraid to ask people to look at it. And, although you might know, I really think that this community made me feel like it's okay to be different, it's okay that I'm gay. It was okay to be confused about how I felt, it was okay to talk openly. I didn't feel pressure to be that confident queer person that knows exactly what to do in all scenarios and is the perfect image of the LGBTQIA+community. I could just exist, and try to figure it out, and mess up and talk to people. I feel like a more stable person because of that.

    tldr: I love you guys and this space so much. Thank you.

  4. Some tips

    @Kristen It's not showing up for me, is there something on settings I could do? I'm sorry, thank you.
  5. Some tips

    I'm not sure how to like things, could someone help me?
  6. What name should I pick?

    This is for the book that I'm writing! I originally wanted to name this character Ellie but my mc's name is Elise and they're too easy to get mixed up. If you have any other name recommendations let me know.
  7. I know this is bad but if anyone has advice please let me know

    @The Invincible Troodon Okay, cool! Thanks for the tip, I kinda stumbled through some of the grammar things that weren't really obvious or just spelling errors. I'm happy you think it's interesting!
  8. note before we begin: this is about a gay girl who has to stay with her homophobic aunt and her family in a small town after her mom goes to a rehab center for mental illness. the bumper stickers mentioned are some alt-righty, hateful ones. also, i'm realizing there are some issues with voice and motivations of other characters. if anyone has advice it'd be much appreciated. CHAPTER 5- ELISE I look through the guest room drawers three or four times before I pick out what to wear, and then once I walk down to breakfast I can't stop fidgeting with my sleeves. “Elise, dear, calm down.” Aunt Delilah says, glancing at me from the table. Anna sits with her, picking at her eggs. I don’t know how to respond, so we’re all just quiet. "So, I was thinking I should drop you all off at school!” says Aunt Delilah, breaking the silence. "Mom. No. God no.” Anna says, like she's just broken the most sacred rule of high school. "Anna.” she says, her voice dripping with disappointment. “Please don't use the lord's name in vain.” (Put that on the growing list of habitats I need to break to survive here.) Anna knows better than to roll her eyes at her. (Lines I can't cross.) Delilah clears her throat and restarts. "So, I'm taking you guys to school today!” she says. “Besides, it'll give us a nice chance to show off some of those new bumper stickers!” I spontaneously combust, on the spot, and no one notices. Anna complains through the whole car ride, until Aunt Delilah firmly tells her to stop as she pulls into the parking lot. I get out and I look up. The school is big, but the football field, of course, is bigger. It’s a nice brick building, with signs with the school mascots haphazardly placed around the entrance. HOME OF THE SEA HOUNDS reads the- well, reads pretty much everywhere I look. “Uh, what’s a seahound?” I say, trying to keep the skepticism out of my voice. “It’s those… those squirmy things in the lake” Anna says, almost slamming the car door behind her. I wave goodbye to Delilah, and Anna… Anna declines. “Do you mean crayfish?” I ask. "No, they’re blue. With purple dots, and tentacles.” Okay, no. Those don’t exist. "Are they water bugs?” I try. "Sometimes they’re yellowish?” she says, looking at me like I’m the stupidest person to ever live. “Seriously, none of this ringing any bells? They don’t have those in the city?” “I don’t think so...”I say. I want to sink into the ground. “Is this like an urban legend or something?” I say, laughing nervously. "Well, for one thing,” she says, her voice rising and her eyes cutting into me. “We aren’t in a urban area. And two, maybe don’t accuse me of lying when you’ve never even visited here. The main office is to the right of the security desk.” She storms off, joining a group of other sophomores by the field and I try not to panic but, fuck, I just lost my cousin in a sea of people I don’t know. On the first day, like I’m that stupid, like, couldn’t I have waited at least a day before blowing everything up? Am I just that bad at being a normal person? Panic is rising in my stomach, and Anna’s friend’s gazes are just burrowing into my skin. I’m just standing here, and worse thoughts rush up to me. She hates you now. You’re so alone. You aren’t ever going to have friends. Everyone will hate you and then you’ll end up stuck in this town, alone and alone and - Okay, no. I have a brain. I can walk into an office, by myself, without exploding. My world’s still spinning with panic but I take a breath, and put one foot in front in front of the other. I go in and I notice that the school seems too big for the number of kids. In the city 3,000 kids would probably be in this building, but it’s so small. A bunch of people glance at me from the corner of their eye and I feel a million sirens going off in my brain. I know it’s irrational, but everyone here feels like a land mine that could go off at any moment. But, it’s irrational. It’s irrational, and I just have to keep moving. I feel like Jonathan Byers walking down the hallway of Hawkins High School. (Except I don't take weird pictures of girls at parties, and I think Barb is cuter than Nancy.) I reach the office feeling like I just ran a marathon. (Or, what I feel like a marathon would be like.) (I’m way too much of a stereotypical nerd to know.) A woman wearing a red, floral dress at the front desk smiles at me. "Hi!” she says.” I’m Ms. Rodriguez, are you our new student?” "Y-yes. Yes. Hi. I’m- I’m Elise. I'm here for a schedule.” I give a weak smile. “Yep! Got it all right here.” she says, gesturing to a file. I realize that I probably look panicked, and I should've come to the office an hour earlier so I could get to my new locker and not get completely lost and...ugh. It's too early for this. Ms. Rodriguez looks unfazed. She opens The File and gives me my schedule. "Thank you.” I say. "No problem! If you need anything, free free to come down and ask questions. Your guide will be here in a second.” "Guide?” I try not to sound like I'm two years old when I say it, but right now I'm just trying not to pass out so the bar might be a little low. "The student that will help you find all your classes for the day.” “Oh. I didn’t. I didn’t realize…” My voice trails off. "I know it’s overwhelming here at first, but you’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.” she tells me. I guess I look unconvinced, because she keeps going. “Both of my parents were in the army when I was little, so I moved around from base to base a lot. I’ve had like… 10 or 12 different first days of school?” “That sounds exhausting.” I say. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. She shrugs her shoulders. “It wasn’t too bad. The worst thing that happened was showing up in the wrong classroom. So, just take it from an expert. You’ll be fine.” “What if I’m not?” I don’t mean to say it out loud. It just slips out without me thinking, and I literally put a hand on my mouth hoping I can somehow reel the words back in. She looks at me, thoughtfully. "Here’s a secret- it’s your senior year, so it’s just one year of your life. Most normal people hate high school.” A little bell on the door rings, and a boy with a Legends Of Zelda shirt comes in. "Hi, Mrs. Rodriguez.” he mumbles. "Darien!” she says. “How was your summer?” "It was fine.” he says, distracted and pretty much monotone. Well. At least he’s too tired to care about making awkward, invasive small talk. And if the silence gets way too unbearable, we probably have a fandom or two in common. "So,” Mrs. Rodriguez says. “ Elise Simon, this is Darien Hill! Darien Hill, this is Elise Simon.” I can hear her rethinking her life choices to work in a really small town with really antisocial kids. “Hi.” I say. "Hello.” he says, a million miles away. We leave the office to my first class and, well, at least I’m not alone.
  9. here's to us

    here's to us, because we have not split apart. our embraces were not shattered by different schools and we have not been confused by our different stories, our years have not been lost in the past, we have not fallen into that type of silence so loud it's just like static, no, it's us against time and we're winning. long train rides and new people and other plans have not dissuaded us we did not dissolve, like so much of everything else and we have not stayed the same but we have not left each other alone and I could not be more happy. This is for my best friend, and even though we've gone to different schools for a while now, we've stayed friends and I got really happy about it on the train so I wrote this. Please give advice! I'm not sure if I want to give it to her or not.
  10. I love all of this so much but this one part oh my god
  11. influences

    influences my mom thinks you're a good influence on me my friend says, pretending not to be upset that her mom thinks she needs someone to steer her into the right path like her own dreams and thoughts, beliefs and opinions aren't enough. it's strange to think that it would only take two. little. words. to crack that illusion. and we wouldn't be friends anymore and our sleepovers would amount to that one time my friend narrowly escaped a demon's grasp my grasp the grasp of a girl who actually cares about school and learning and books. two little words, and they will never see me. like that. again.
  12. Hey guys I just came out as lesbian to a bunch of my friends and some of my family! It was pretty good, but I was wondering if any of you had advice about how to react to a certain situation? I was coming out to some of my close friends and this one guy, who's more my friend's friend was there too. I didn't plan on him being there, but it was okay and I didn't mind him knowing anyway.  He texted me to ask about how my parents reacted- I assumed he was just worried so I told him they were fine, and today he texted me asking about how I figured out that I was gay.  To be honest, I don't completely want to answer him. It's not my responsibility, even if I'm out, the information feels too private given that we aren't very good friends, and I didn't even plan to come out to him, but I feel bad about not replying because 1) I'm out so it doesn't really matter 2) What if he's asking because he's gay? Am I adding on to internalized homophobia if I don't respond? 3) What if he's trying to understand someone he's close to that's gay? 4) He's a nice person, it's not like I have anything to be afraid of.

    I don't really know what I'm doing, sorry if this is completely incoherent.

    1. queenie_flower


      hey buddy I’m maybe not the best person to ask about this but I’m going to answer anyway. 

      1) He is not your responsibility. Tell him it’s still kind of a private thing for you, even if you are out. He should understand, especially if he’s nice and understanding like you’ve made him out to be. 2) Do try to reply in some way, even if it’s just telling him what I suggested in #1. I don’t think you’re contributing to internalized homophobia by not telling him your personal journey, even if he’s gay or pan or questioning or just. not. straight. (Anyone can correct me on this, I know i could be wrong) 3) You can always ask him why he wants to know. There is nothing wrong with that, and unless his friend is still closeted, he’ll probably tell you if it’s for his friend. 4) I like to think of myself as a nice person too, and while that may make you feel bad about not answering, it definitely doesn’t mean you have to because he WILL understand.

      TL;DR: do reply, but don’t feel like you have to answer. It’s your life, he should get that.

      -queenie out

    2. hayfevered


      if u need someone else's anecdote u can say that my Gay Awakening was when i agreed w one of my friends that x celebrity or y classmate was hot and then later i was like Oh No Theyre Hot Hot you know??

      alternatively my other Gay Awakening was 'wow i love cuddling this person but im straight! can you kiss someone on the mouth and still be straight? wait a minute. Oh No'

    3. justaddbooks


      @queenie_flower thank you! I agree that it's probably just best to talk to him.

      @hayfevered i burst out laughing thanks

  13. she broke your throne

    I love the imagery here! and also is this an infinity war reference? :)
  14. Coming Out part 2

    Coming out can be a really terrifying concept and process, but you are strong and brave and capable of doing it if that's what you decide on. Just remember that even if everything doesn't work out, your family does not define you. You are still a valid, wonderful person and you'll find other people that love you and support you. (Sorry for the over abundance of coming out cliches) (they're true, though! you are great!)
  15. breakup without an actual relationship

    I'm sorry, that's too bad. Feel free to rant or talk or whatever you want to do here, we'll always be here to listen and help you out in what ever way we can <3
  16. Overheard Quotes

    "oh, how do you two know each other?" "you introduced us" "oh right...."
  17. little things

    I kinda want to cry right now this is literally how I feel all of the time. Thank you so much, I honestly can't even put into words how amazing it is to know someone else feels the same way. Also wow I've caved in many times for the "am i gay" google search, and you're right it's always super stereotypical. Hooray for buzzfeed, I guess.
  18. Overheard Quotes

    That's basically a summary of what I do every week I'm laughing so hard right now
  19. The Most Ridiculous Thing

    the most ridiculous thing about realizing you’re probably a lesbian is that it’s also the first time that your heart pounds really, really fast like lightning strikes flying out of your body when you see a boy, not because you think he’s hot but because he’s gay. too. he’s gay too, and you’ve talked about Love, Simon together (you told him how you cried 3 times) he’s gay too, and you forget to agree with him when he calls other guys cute (because it’s so exhausting to trick yourself into saying something you know you’ll never actually believe) he’s gay too, and when you make a comment in English class about how hypocritical biblically driven homophobia is when you talk about Oscar Wilde in class (you blush too hard and stumble and stutter over your words too much) you're afraid he did a double take from the desk behind you, gaydar: on insecurity: detected you: gay it’s not like you’re even really friends- you don’t wave to each other in the hallway because to be honest he’s a little intimidating (and you’re 95% sure he does drugs, and even if it’s just weed you’re 500% sure you don’t want to get mixed up in that) and you’re a nerd and you don’t like his popular-ish friends (they’re snobby, and this comes from experience) but still, these are the lightning strikes you can finally point out in dark, dark blue skies and lean back, laughing at how stupid and blind you were before for thinking the fires you tried to start out of a broken matchbox and fear could ever compare to a wonderfully platonic feeling of not being alone.
  20. bloody bandaids (tw: blood)

    Oh my god these characters are so so great
  21. noah

    Yeah, I really think he'd love this! It captures everything about having a brother who you're close with so nicely. (I have one too)
  22. I'll go with you

    Oh god this is so cute and the imagery is fantastic!
  23. Sticky Note Art?

    This sounds really cool!