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Short_comedian last won the day on May 18

Short_comedian had the most liked content!

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About Short_comedian

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  1. Ugh my head hurts so bad rn its making me nauseous

    1. hayfevered


      feel better... :( my good vibes are coming for you

  2. Guys I'm dying my 7th period teacher just didn't show up bc no one is here oh my god

  3. I'm literally the only one out of all my afternoon classes that couldn't get a ride home after my AP exam so I'm the only one in my classroom right now.

  4. Almost nothing scares me more than hearing or seeing the word T****y.  It used to not bother me but holy shit, I come across it and i'm fucked up for the rest of the day.

    1. hayfevered


      oh god, same. to a lesser extent tr*p as well bc there are people who genuinely believe it's ok to call me that

  5. Logan suggested that I make a Logan-esque post about my experience making snow cones for 30 kids...Here we go.


    • Hot college girl that my aunt and uncle hired almost made me out myself. Holy shit, she was really hot.
    • I burned some sugar on the cotton candy machine. It turns out it was missing a part and never worked again, even when we got the missing part. Whoops.
    • Little kids do not. Forgive.  When you say there's going to be cotton candy but it doesn't work out.
    • However, if you offer unlimited snow cones, they'll forget about it for a little while.
    • The unknown red colored flavoring was a favorite. Something about the red dye?
    • Hot College Girl knows my sister. She's too old for me, lowering my risk of outing myself anytime soon.
    • Little kids will back up twenty steps if it means getting their snow cones. Even the ones that can't count.
    • To little kids, short hair+cargo shorts = guy.  I didn't correct them. Not once.
    • Why do little kids like scaring frogs? Frogs are just sunbathing. No need to scare them. Let them sunbathe for christs sake put down the stick 
    • say douche bag one more time and not only will I not give you anymore snow cones but I'll ban you from the bouncy house you 5th grade piece of shit
    • Yes, 11th grade is a lot harder than 1st grade
    • Ran out of the paper cups, so I gave a kid a plastic one that came with the maker with instructions to give it back. No one ever saw it again.
    • One 3rd grade girl came with an iphone. She got a minimal amount of cotton candy and left the party.
    • One kid kept looking for drinks in the cooler of ice for the machine.
    • There was a polite little smartass of a 4 year old who forgot where the front door was. I wanted to babysit him so bad but he lives in a different state.
    • His sister came back to the machine like 5 times.
    • I had to tell 5 kids "No, don't touch the machine. This is my job. Yours is to have fun"
    • I stumbled. My mom laughed and asked "Too much to drink?" I replied, having made snow cones for hyperactive kids for the past three hours, completely deadpan "Not enough to drink"
    • My 2 year old cousin made me chase him for two hours straight after the party was over. I am never going to be an elementary school teacher.
    • @drowntown is very helpful in keeping what's left of my sanity.
    1. hayfevered


      hsdkghskdfjsdf brabe im crying you left out considering to threaten the fifth grade piece of shit with a stick as per my recommendation

  6. Some Angsty Shit

    My brain is a mess Of overthinking and homework I haven't done I'm so tired and anxious I've forgotten how to write poetry. Do you know how sad it is, to forget how to do something at the very core of your being? To suddenly up and leave your friends Because suddenly You don't have the energy to play Dad.
  7. My teacher just threw a field trip form at me and I didn't realize I'd caught it between two fingers until he said "damn. Nice catch."

  8. The principal is on the loud speaker And everyone is silent my senses breathe a sigh of relief until I hear what she says the school has more police than usual because someone made a threat everyone is scared but we don't say it instead we bury ourselves in matrices and multiplication pretend that we're gonna live forever a youthful fantasy for a generation that has ages years in the past two months we go back to our studies like we aren't bracing ourselves for lockdown like our hearts aren't pounding like our hands aren't shaking like we didn't know deep down this day would come I am not going to die huddled in a dark corner dying a sitting duck is no way to celebrate this life I've fought to live Schools these days feels less like a learning environment and more like a warehouse full of ready made martyrs A surplus of names for a list we all say we're going to memorize but shouldn't have to in the first place
  9. I got into an argument with my friends over whether I take care of myself enough to date someone, and the crowning point was "Dude, you're stoned on Benadryl"

    1. queenie_flower



    2. Short_comedian
    3. hayfevered


      I'm crying this is so funny

  10. Y'ALL



    1. thepensword



    2. queenie_flower



    3. hayfevered



  11. I just fucking outed myself to about 200 people...

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. thepensword


      ok then yes, congratulations!

    3. queenie_flower


      congrats marshall I’m proud

    4. Apollo's Lover
  12. I got ripped to shreds today during my presentation. Damn humanities kids.

  13. a girl showed up to class in a piplup onesie and I fucking cried

  14. Breakup untitled

    We say "someday, we'll try again" even though we both know we're only saying that to make it hurt a little less