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Showing results for tags 'panic attack'.
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the floor doesn’t vanish; i can still feel it below me it just feels like i’m not pulled down to it anymore like i can’t reclaim my gravity i become a blank sheet of paper buzzing static silence i don’t trust the brain i once called my homeland it’s vanished, too, in the pounding seemingly (in retrospect, it fasincates me how one part can be looking in on the world, the other on its outside looking in, but in the moment i can sense that division and it scares me) manic but not happy the vague opposite of happy my brain has switched frequency spinning too quickly running too fast tapping doing without thinking so it doesn’t mean anything heart punches the beggining of my neck dragging me away from myself into a montrous stranger scribbles with no order insanity i am floating for one awful moment i don’t know how to restore my gravity
soundtrack: “whatever helps” (there are no saints, siobhan wilson) she asks about preventative measures and i swallow hard on the protestation that i am not the right person for this: i genuinely believe i am alive by luck at this point instead, i espouse the virtues of non-caffeinated tea and phone calls to friends who might somewhat understand or be willing to just share a moment’s silence soundtrack: “breathe (in the air)” (dark side of the moon, pink floyd) and when all else fails count together three in, five out , three in and five out and in and out soundtrack: “fake happy” (after laughter, paramore) and in these circumstances despite years of practical experience i feel horribly underqualified soundtrack: “wait ‘til the morning” (painting of a panic attack, frightened rabbit) i want to tell her things will get better but honesty is an immutable quality of our friendship and i can’t say that with any semblance of certainty i say it anyways