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Showing results for tags 'school'.
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if you’re me you know how to milk praise easily you know that love comes in two paths easy and hard easy praise is the kind with no risk pretty; nice boots; mature and professional you’ll do well for the rest of high school i look so destined for a job in actuarial sciences or information technology (sounds like misery in good payment, although before i knew myself it appealed to me) i know how to find safety in 98.3% instruction-following certainty excellence was a command not a decision for panic attacks, tears and boredom i receive good grades (they’re not the same thing when i disagree) but even when i try to make them into solid glowing matter they are still forwarded to the inbox of a phantom representing who someone else wishes i could be the phantom is now dead except on the outside with the encouragement it grows the truth fades for a moment and then comes back in fury but there’s another kind of praise that comes with rejection but also being seen the hard compliments make my heart skip a beat the world dissolves into vibrations they’re not dependable or perfect but they feel, for now like matter belonging to me.
Normally I'm happy When my voice deepens But this time, It's because I'm trying not to cry. Because when they said no, I was transported back to elementary school, Middle school, even, To the reason why I hate group projects. Because every time, No matter how many friends I had, They all decided I wasn't good enough. I wasn't smart enough, Wasn't popular enough, Just wasn't enough. So now I'm sitting here, stressing about this group project I have to do Without a group. Author's note: Sorry this isn't of my usual quality. It's been a rough day.