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  1. i. i’m standing naked in front of the sink examining myself like a cadaver i can’t decide whether i like what i see because i don’t believe the mirror or my friends when they tell me i’m pretty maybe i’m unphotogenic or conditioned into hating myself who knows ii. my skin and the room are turned vanilla by curtains that dim sunlight and block the outside and i haven’t shaved in weeks because it’s so cold so so cold goosebumps dot my arms and dark hair grows in all the places it shouldn’t i’m iii. envious of blondes and a lot of people really iv. i’m sorry v. there are three scars on my leg from my neighbor’s dog where the skin is not real skin but stretched and red and indented another on my right hand from a plastic chair (long story) a fifth on my ankle from twisted metal and a sixth on my arm from me vi. sometimes i wish we were all blind and always i wish i saw more girls with smiles on billboards and mall store signs vii. i smile often but do i deserve to? viii. i’ve gotten so bony to the point where i can stack quarters on my collarbones and you can see my sternum in the right light but is that good or bad? am i beautiful or not? ix. i can never decide
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